We Haven’t Had Sex in Four Years. Should I Leave?

Dr. Wendy Walsh
Dr. Wendy Walsh Updated:
Discuss This! Discuss This!

Reader Question:

My significant partner went through menopause. Since 2009, we have not had intimate sex and she no longer wants or has interest in intimacy. We are in our late 50s.

I still care but we do not seem like a couple. I am considering leaving. I’m just not willing to have a non-intimate relationship no matter how much I care, love or still want her. She will not talk about it.

What should I do?

-Liam (Texas)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Liam,

Here are some things you should know: Women tend to like a variety of stimulus in a sexual relationship much more than men.

Many men can get along fine if the pipes are cleared regularly. But women like romance, affection, candles and a feeling they are desired.

When a husband begs for sex, it can feel like he is selfishly asking her to please him, but when a husband tells his wife she is hot, does some nice things for her and explains it’s hard to control himself around her beauty, then she may get aroused.

But my bigger concern is she won’t talk about this relationship problem. Has this always been her way to deal with conflict?

If so, then I would venture to guess a dry sex life is a symptom of a deeper relationship problem. It might be time to visit a marriage counselor for some tips.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.