How To Send A Woman The Message She Wants To Receive

Online Dating

How to Send a Woman the Message She Wants to Receive

Moxie Kline

Written by: Moxie Kline

Moxie Kline

Moxie Kline is just a lover. She has spent more than three decades exploring what it means to be a woman and to love and be loved by men. She writes about her adventures and discoveries at You can reach her at @MoxieKline or She wants to hear from you.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

Discuss This! Discuss This!
Advertiser Disclosure

Let me tell you about my most devastating breakup.

Jim and I were together for 18 months. We just didn’t have long-term compatibility. It took us a while to figure this out and even longer to end the relationship – not because of inertia, but because we had something really special.

Human life is a solitary thing. We come in alone. We go out alone. And in between it sometimes feels like we are, basically, alone.

Life can be rough.

Some days all you want is for a person to look at you and say, “I know the world out there doesn’t understand you, but I see you. And I know you. And I accept you.”

We weather the challenges dating and relationships sometimes entail in part for the privilege of being seen and known by at least one other person.

Jim and I had that. When he looked at me, I knew he was seeing the real me. I couldn’t hide even if I wanted to. I was known.

This experience touched me deeply and made it very hard to let go of Jim even after the relationship ended.

The willingness to see and accept the woman you’re with in all her splendor and all her shame is not a sufficient condition for a lasting relationship, but it is a necessary one.

And it starts with your very first email.

The irony of online dating is we are safely hidden behind our computer screens, when what we want more than anything is to be seen.

Part of what a woman wants to feel when she reads your message is that you are really looking at her.

It’s not about her pictures. It’s about the beauty and grace and power within her.

“You will make our day if your message

reveals that you took the time to look.”

For a while, my dating profile said:

“Let’s make out on my leather sofa like virgin teenagers whose parents are due any minute and discover what it’s like to lust again. Let’s dance in the living room like you’re going off to war tomorrow and explore the boundaries of intimacy. Let’s sing in the cab ride home.”

I got more than 200 messages in three weeks, including:

  • “I would like to get to know you.”
  • “Says you reply very selectively…I hope you select me.”
  • “Your profile is different and clearly you are looking for a fun adventurist with a childish side. I was called to duty and only have one night left in the U.S. Do you want to spend it together?”

All sweet, brief and respectful. But which one do you think I responded to?

We want you to see us. You will make our day if your message reveals that you took the time to look.

Advertiser Disclosure is a free online resource that offers valuable content and comparison services to users. To keep this resource 100% free, we receive compensation from many of the offers listed on the site. Along with key review factors, this compensation may impact how and where products appear across the site (including, for example, the order in which they appear). does not include the entire universe of available offers. Editorial opinions expressed on the site are strictly our own and are not provided, endorsed, or approved by advertisers.

Our Editorial Review Policy

Our site is committed to publishing independent, accurate content guided by strict editorial guidelines. Before articles and reviews are published on our site, they undergo a thorough review process performed by a team of independent editors and subject-matter experts to ensure the content’s accuracy, timeliness, and impartiality. Our editorial team is separate and independent of our site’s advertisers, and the opinions they express on our site are their own. To read more about our team members and their editorial backgrounds, please visit our site’s About page.