How To Talk Dirty In Bed

Women's Dating

How to Talk Dirty in Bed

Katie B.

Written by: Katie B.

Katie B.

Katie B. has a MPH in health promotion and has plans to complete a master's degree in marriage and family therapy. You can read more about Katie B's journey in an open relationship at

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Two years ago, I was lying on our bed. Our two good friends and partners at the time, Kathryn and Jake, were on the bed with me.

Kathryn had been eating me out, asking me what I liked and what I wanted. I tried to sputter out some words, but I was embarrassed.

My primary partner J. and I hardly ever talked during sex (if there was any verbal conversation, it would be about the news – not about sex) and I didn’t know how to respond.

Kathryn had moved and was now lying next to me, masturbating. Her husband Jake had moved into her previous spot. As he starts licking me, Kathryn asks me, “Do you like that?” I nod, “Mmm hmm.”

She starts telling Jake what I like:

“Ooo yeah. She likes slow, long licks. Don’t you? Oh yeah, Jake, do it like that…” And on and on. I can’t even remember all of it.

All of a sudden, Jake looks up from between my legs and gives Kathryn a look of disapproval reserved for a long-term partner.

Kathryn snaps out of her sexy high and says, “Oh, I’m sorry. Is that too much?” Jake replies in an annoyed, deadpan voice, “Yeah. It is.” I was in tears from laughing so hard.

What makes me laugh now, though, is the fact J. and I have become some of the filthiest dirty talkers I know.

We don’t do the same kind of dirty talk Kathryn is known for (talking about what was going on in the moment), although sometimes I really like that: “Oh, you’re doing __. Oh, do this. Oh, do you like that? Oh, I love that.”

“Dirty talk provides the

mental stimulation I need.”

We fantasize together a lot.

We engage in a lot of fantasy dirty talk about past experiences, experiences planned for the future or true fantasies (they most likely will never happen).

I guess it is helpful that we have similar fantasies and can share them in this way.

Often our fantasies are about me with other men. It turns us both on to insane levels to whisper about me getting men off in various ways and places.

We also fantasize about threesomes with other women and about foursomes with other couples.

We incorporate things that really turn me on, like being tied up, being submissive to men, being dominant to women, being an exhibitionist or having sex in a public place.

It’s true our brain is our biggest sex organ.

Given enough mental stimulation, we both can almost reach orgasm without much physical stimulation.

What I have discovered is: mental stimulation + relaxation + body awareness and being present = a surefire way to have explosively delicious sex.

Dirty talk certainly provides the mental stimulation I need to get my engines roaring. I thank Kathryn for introducing dirty talk into my life! I can’t imagine our sex life without it now.

Do you talk dirty during sex, or do you let your partner do all the talking? What are you comfortable verbalizing and what do you keep quiet about? I’d love to hear any experiences you’ve had when talking dirty.

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