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I call myself (mostly to myself) “a profiler.”
Nope, it has nothing to do with crime solving, unless you count dating lousily (mine, many moons ago, included) a criminal act! Some might. Some should.
What I’ve discovered when coaching Handel Group clients on dating is you can fairly easily sniff out people’s past in their current online dating profiles.
Maybe that’s a duh. I mean, what else would be in there?
But the problem is you don’t hear your own snipes and sideswipes in your profile. If you did, would you purposely put gunk in your ad for your dream partner?
In it, I promise there are lies (unsaids) and digs. In it, you are more than likely pretending you are more laid back than you actually are.
You are looking for the love of your life, for marriage, for the father/mother of your children. But do you say any of that? No way!
The truth is you want an honest man/woman, but are YOU 100 percent honest in these profiles? Nope.
Most of you, I’ve found, sound like you are looking for a drinking buddy or someone to go to a baseball game or a museum with, but in actuality you haven’t been to either in years.
You claim to want a responsible man/woman, but you use a photo of yourself when you were a few pounds lighter, a little younger and in Jamaica next to your buddies with a cocktail in your hand.
But then you wonder why the callers that come calling have kegs in their photos.
You are more than likely slipping digs into your profile on your past relationships, pretending you aren’t.
“If you’re afraid to ask for what you
want, is he really your man?”
Oh, I don’t know. Take a look at some of the endearing adjectives you throw in the “What you are looking for” section, like trustworthy, emotionally stable, independent and self-sufficient.
Don’t those adjectives you are using today point to your last date, last 12 dates, last 12-years-ago date and or last spouse?
If you get the finger off of them, you’d have to deal with the truths you are not saying and stop pointing to what THEY aren’t saying.
If you keep these type of lies in your profile, you will always be busy managing your own unsaids and fears and sneakily NEVER have to ask him his.
If you are too afraid to say and ask for what you really want, thinking that YOUR man is going to get scared away, is he really your man?
What if it’s actually sneaky, cowardly and brilliant to believe your man or woman couldn’t handle your truth (yes, I hear Jack Nicholson, too)? It gives you a doctor’s note to keep lying.
Be as straight as you want your man or woman to be. Stop proving THEY are the liars, tyrants and beasts (oh my) and see your own criminal as well.
Better yet, maybe it should read “oh me” instead of the above “oh my.”