Shy Or Outgoing The Challenges With Dating Your Opposite

Men's Dating

Shy or Outgoing? The Challenges With Dating Your Opposite

Randy Mitchell

Written by: Randy Mitchell

Randy Mitchell

Randy Mitchell is a blogger on lifestyle, writing and relationship topics and is a published author of inspirational romance. His first novel "Sons In The Clouds" is available on Amazon. To find out more about Randy, visit

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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When you think about it, there are two types of people in the world: introverts and extroverts.

Both carry different characteristics, traits, mannerisms and lifestyles. They are completely different in their own regards, and realistically speaking, they are not all that tough to identify.

The challenge comes when you’re one and they’re the other. Simply speaking, you say tomato and they say tomato.

No one is completely an introvert or extrovert

There are varying degrees of both. Some say if you’re an introvert and they’re an extrovert, the balance is helpful. Others say if both are the same, then harmony is achieved.

Personally I think it all depends on what you’re willing to live with and if the differences are seen as assets or never-ending compromise.

To help explain further, let’s identify the uniqueness of both:


These are people who prefer their own company rather than socializing with others. They love staying home and draw energy from their own thoughts and creativity.

They can be big readers, are rather passive and private, think about the future rather than the present, prefer indoor activities instead of outdoor and prefer talking with people they know versus meeting new ones.

At a party, they’ll be the ones standing in a corner studying their iPhone or talking with friends rather than mingling among strangers.

They dislike talking on the phone, find small talk cumbersome and keep communication with others to a minimum unless their job demands it.

They usually excel in jobs like accounting and technology or creative occupations where they can work alone. However, they can be good leaders.

Introverts can be difficult to know well because they allow very few inside their inner circles. Many are rather shy and reserved to certain degrees.

If you’re attracted to an introvert and seek a relationship, there will be many challenges.

Gaining their trust and getting them to communicate on a regular basis or go out often are just a few because interacting with others can be very draining. They need their alone time to recharge their batteries.


These folks love social interaction and crave the energy received from being with others. They feel restless being alone. They’re the ones you see talking nonstop on the phone every day, always making plans and seeking out relationships.

They love to date, party, connect with others and are always full of energy. Most I know are morning people because they have lots to do and not enough time to do it.

Extroverts are oftentimes ones with big families and are much more open to marriage and new friendships.

They adapt easily to given situations and are particularly influenced by objects and events in the external world.

Extroverts usually have many friends and are easy to approach and communicate with because they’re very expressive.

Some extroverts can be loud talkers and love having their voices heard. At a social event, they’ll be the ones mingling and being the life of the party.

From a professional level, extroverts can be good leaders and can manage people well. They perform nicely as salespeople, politicians, teachers and advisers – anywhere they can interact with others.

Dating one can be both good and bad, depending on their degree level, because they can become rather needy and require lots of devoted attention.

Pros and cons of dating an introvert

You’ll be carrying more of the conversations because oftentimes introverts won’t communicate the way you’d like.

Many times they’ll make you feel lonely because they prefer shorter conversations, emails and texts versus talking on the phone.

If you want to go out, they’ll prefer staying in.

When conflicts arise and you want to resolve them quickly, good luck. Introverts need time to process information before responding.

On the other hand, introverts save their words for things that are personally important and like talking one on one because in-person conversations are much more meaningful.

Socially your schedule won’t be constantly hijacked by the rest of the world. Quiet moments together can mean time to develop intimacy, yet needed periods apart provide opportunities to spend with friends or yourself.

Pros and cons of dating an extrovert

Obviously the communication between you won’t lag much because they’re always ready to talk, especially while around others.

On the other hand, will that same energy continue when you’re alone? Remember extroverts feed off being around lots of people and can exude confidence on the outside (but not so much on the inside).

When you’re ready to socialize, they’ll invite lots of friends and family, and that can be fun. But what if you’d rather have an evening alone? Would they quickly get bored or be able to adapt to unfamiliar surroundings?

And how about resolving conflicts? An extrovert will never have trouble expressing their issues, and you’ll most likely get answers right away.

But their personality comes with a desire for knee-jerk reactions rather than drawing back and thinking before reacting. This can lead to lots of passion but also possible arguments.

Finding a balance

Like most, I prefer being around women who are balanced – ones who’ll talk on the phone but won’t call you 20 times a day, who enjoy going out but don’t exhaust me with full itineraries and who love reading good books but also like going to sporting events, movies and an occasional trip.

In retrospect, it’s all about distinguishing what’s acceptable or not and who makes you happy.

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