John Kenny Helps Singles Break Negative Relationship Patterns and Find Secure & Loving Companionship

The Short Version: Patterns can be hard to break, especially when they appear in our relationships. Relationship coach John Kenny talked to us about negative relationship patterns, why they manifest, and what people who are struggling with them can do to break free and discover more positive dating experiences. John discussed attachment styles and how relationship beliefs can have a huge impact on the trajectory of a partnership. By identifying and reflecting on what holds us back in relationships, we can find tools to build healthier and more secure relationships.

As the saying goes, you take yourself with you. This saying has deep resonance for romantic relationships and how we find, form, keep, and, sometimes, lose them. Every person has habits that they bring with them as they show up in relationships, and some are more positive than others.

When left unchecked, negative habits can devastate relationships and leave people in a cycle of hurtful or toxic relationships. One bad relationship after another can make people want to ditch dating altogether and even withdraw from other social relationships.

All of us deserve relationships with people who respect and love us. Finding this can be hard, especially for people who have never been in the kind of healthy relationship they’ve been looking for.

John Kenny is a Relationship Coach who helps people struggling with patterns of toxic relationships. He talked to us about attachment styles, relationship beliefs, and how people can break free from behaviors and beliefs that are holding them back.

“Put yourself out there, but also be clear about what you want,” John said. “I think it’s so important to know what you want because that determines your mindset and puts you in the space to attract that kind of person.”

John said most of his clients are people who have had a series of relationships that all look fundamentally the same. “They’ve had a series of successful relationships, unhappy relationships, painful relationships, and the same issues come up in all of them,” he said.

Some clients are aware of these patterns, but others aren’t. “Some people are blissfully unaware that there’s a pattern,” John said. “They just know they’re not being very successful in the relationship field.”

John said that regardless of whether clients are aware of the pattern, they seek to better themselves and find fulfilling companionship. “It’s all about getting them into a healthier, more positive mindset around relationships, so they can go out and find someone they want to spend some time with.”

Many of John’s clients form relationships with an anxious attachment style. People with anxious attachment styles usually feel stress and uncertainty around their relationship with their partner, and this anxiety can damage the relationship.

Whatever struggles clients bring to clients, John focuses on giving them tools they can use to start improving the relationships in their lives. It’s all about walking into dating and new relationships with a positive mindset, coupled with awareness of patterns from the past.

Limiting relationship beliefs can result from patterns of toxic relationships and can also inform one’s behavior when seeking and forming relationships. These beliefs inform a person about how they show up in relationships and who they seek in romance.

“I think the most common limiting belief is that it’s never going to happen for them,” John said. “They think that all the good people are gone, they’ve been through enough relationships, and they start to think they can’t find a relationship they deserve, or that they don’t deserve it.”

People carry these beliefs with them into relationships, and they influence how they attach themselves to their partner. Many people with limiting relationship beliefs may not know their beliefs limit them, which John said can compound the problem.

“I’ll say most people are unaware of that belief,” John said. “But many people carry beliefs about what they deserve in a relationship.” John said that what a person thinks they deserve in a relationship can have a big impact on what they seek. If beliefs aren’t healthily aligned with one’s desires, people will find themselves in relationships that reaffirm these negative beliefs.

“To give an example, say a person has a belief that all relationships are unsustainable, and they’re never going to last,” John said. “When they go into relationships, they will always reestablish those beliefs.”

Limiting relationship beliefs harm relationships with the self and other people, and John said part of dealing with these beliefs is recognizing that they are not true. “It’s all about shifting the belief– and realizing that it’s just a myth.”

Negative relationship patterns and limiting relationship beliefs arise from underlying issues, and addressing these underlying issues gives singles the knowledge they need to step into healthier relationships. John’s courses and coaching offerings focus on helping singles do the self-work needed to address these issues and overcome them.

Get Relationship Ready is a 10-week coaching program John developed to give singles a solid foundation for secure dating. The program helps people explore the reasons why they haven’t experienced the kind of relationship they long for and what they can do to begin to find it.

Throughout the course, singles will work their way through six fundamentals, which John said they need to understand to be ready for secure relationships. Each video lesson covers a different aspect of secure attachment, relationship beliefs, and more.

The course is completed in 10 weeks. John offers two versions of the Get Relationship Ready program: one that includes the online video program and another that includes the video program plus group coaching courses.

Getting relationship-ready is no small task, and some singles who have struggled with past relationships and are taking time to focus on themselves may wonder when they’re ready to get into dating again. Only you know when you’re ready to step back into dating, but John said waiting until you’re in a healthy place is the best course of action.

“I think as long as you’re in a space where you’re working on yourself and you understand where you’re coming from as far as your relationship stuff is concerned, you’re ready to step back in,” John said. Putting the things you learned into practice is the main thing.”