The 1 Difference In Men And Womens Online Dating Styles

Online Dating

The #1 Difference in Men and Women’s Online Dating Styles

Lawrence Chernin

Written by: Lawrence Chernin

Lawrence Chernin

Lawrence is a data scientist and founder of - a niche online dating site where the focus is on meeting someone intelligent. You can visit it at and you can connect with him on Twitter @BrainiacDating and Facebook.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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In a landmark book, neuroscientist Paul MacLean proposed that a “reptilian complex” was responsible for instinctual behaviors involved in aggression, dominance, territoriality and ritual displays.

Sound familiar?!

Yes, that’s because it’s like the way many men approach online dating!

Men tend to focus on the visual (i.e. the photos), while women look for an interesting narrative.

Guys, if your whole profile consists of “Hi, I’m me. If you’d like to know more, then message me,” then you might as well not bother.

I’ve seen many of these interactions over and over again on my dating site, so I would like to advise you on how to do better.

In the reptilian brain, actions are fast.

There is no time to do a careful analysis of facts because that hungry T-rex or nasty neanderthal is rambling up the hillside.

This explains why a guy on a dating site will prefer to post photos of himself and search by photos rather than write interesting descriptions. Words – ugh!

Ladies, how many times have you noticed the guys didn’t even read your profile, but you can be sure he remembers your photos! There is actually a lot one can learn from a photo. Visual processing is extremely powerful, so use it carefully.

Women, you are far less reliant on the dinosaur brain in making your dating decisions, but you’re still dealing with men who act that way.

“Don’t expect her to look at your

blank profile and contact you.”

You need to have good photos that show you to be inviting.

This means having a friendly smile, being well-dressed and perhaps wearing a little makeup.

But do not have too many photos! The guy may only look at one or two photos to decide if he likes you, and he is probably not interested in pictures of you with your friends, other people or pets, you participating in your hobbies or you standing in front of the Taj Mahal.

Men, you need to build up a good story as to why a woman should be interested in you, and this means more than just having a photo.

A woman is going to be thinking about the time spent with you. This means you need to be interesting to her!

Perhaps you are an aspiring musician in a rock band. Then write something about your performances or adventures on the road. Are you a founder of a startup? Then explain what are your challenges and what your starup is doing.

Just whatever you do, don’t expect her to look at your blank profile and then contact you.

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