Online Dating

Would You Send a Facebook Friend Request Before a Date?

Julie Spira

Written by: Julie Spira

Julie Spira

Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert and founder of She’s the bestselling author of "The Perils of Cyber-Dating" and creates irresistible profiles for singles. Follow @JulieSpira or connect on Instagram.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

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Call me old-fashioned, but at least my guy and I are on the same digital page.

We’re exclusive, we met on an online dating site, we’re happy, and we’re not friends on Facebook.

When Mashable released their survey results showing that one out of four singles think it’s fine to become friends on Facebook before they meet IRL, I was shocked to see how the trend has loosened up.

With the Facebook relationship status being one of the most powerful features on the world’s largest social network, the drama of watching your friends’ status changes become complicated is a bit of a voyeuristic experience.

In reality, you probably don’t want to become part of the drama and wish they’d really stay happy and in love.

The results:

In Mashable’s survey, the younger demographics were quick to push the send button for a request before a date.

Their findings showed 38 percent of college-aged singles and 26.2 percent of singles in their 20s connect digitally before they arrive at the date.

Is this because we’re so connected to our Smartphones that our digital foreplay of texting leading up to the date also includes following on Twitter, friending on Facebook and checking out their status updates leading up to the date?

Apparently so, as online dating has become more of a social dating experience.

“There are too many texts that aren’t accompanied

by a voice to explain what’s really happening.”

Still, after only a few dates, I question why you’d want to be friends with someone on Facebook, leaving it easy to obsess and spy on their whereabouts when they aren’t with you.

Further survey statistics showed 21 percent think it’s fine to friend someone after just one date and 26 percent gave the vote of approval after just a few dates.

The lowest percentage (12.5 percent) said they’d friend someone only when the relationship became exclusive, at which point the majority of both men and women did agree to take it a step further and become more than just friends and Facebook official.

If you aren’t in an exclusive relationship, do you really need to see who he’s spending time with on Friday night, when you know that Saturday night might be the big date where you finally have sex?

What happens when you see him in the arms of another woman and it’s just his kissing cousin? Would you cancel the date in anger or out of jealousy?

Love isn’t really complicated, but digital dating can be.

There are too many text words or photos posted that aren’t accompanied by a voice to explain what’s really happening in real life.

When a relationship breaks up, there’s a lot of digital housekeeping to take care of, from reactivating your online dating profiles, unfriending your ex and his or her family members and changing your status relationship back to “Single.”

It can be exhausting, but this, my friends, is exactly how dating online actually works.

Online daters, when would you send a Facebook friend request to someone you’re dating? How soon is too soon?

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