Men's Dating

5 Signs You’re Coming on Too Strong in Your Emails

Joshua Pompey

Written by: Joshua Pompey

Joshua Pompey

Joshua Pompey is an online dating and relationship expert, helping men and women succeed at online dating since 2009 and with a success rate of more than 99%.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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There is one rule in life that applies to just about all members of the human race: People always want what they can’t have.

Well online dating is no exception to this universal condition. It is for this reason that one must be extremely careful not to appear too eager when writing emails.

Doing so can have disastrous effects on the amount of responses received and the eventual number of first dates granted.

So let’s take a look at five signs you may be coming on too strong in your online dating emails:

1. Asking too many questions.

No matter how excited you are to find out everything you can about the woman you are pursuing, resist the urge to ask multiple questions in one email.

Not only does this come across as overeager, but women won’t respond due to the time-consuming nature of the message.

Asking too many questions in one email is usually a negative on just about all levels.

2. Writing a novel.

Emails are not meant to be novels and you are not William Shakespeare.

Writing emails that take women anything more than a minute to read are usually too long and may come across as desperate.

Women will wonder why you spent so much time writing someone who is essentially just a stranger. Keep it short, entertaining and to the point.


“I recommend at least one humorous

comment per email, but don’t force it.”

3. Telling women how beautiful they are.

Men who are used to dating lots of beautiful women do not gush like fans over how pretty they are. They act natural and provide these compliments in person when the timing is right.

Do not act like an overeager fan who can’t contain his excitement about how pretty his date is.

Sending nonstop compliments a girl’s way may have worked at 14, but when it comes to online dating, you will need to up your game a bit.

4. Telling women you are a perfect match.

So many men write emails informing women that they have so much in common and they are a perfect matche for each other. This gets tiresome for women online very fast.

The truth of the matter is just about everyone online is a “90 percent match.” These commonalities mean almost nothing until the real-life chemistry is tested.

Going out of your way to tell women you are “such a perfect match” just isn’t attractive or necessary.

5. Forcing jokes where they don’t belong.

It’s always good to be funny and make women laugh. I recommend at least one humorous comment per email, but don’t force it.

If you can’t think of a genuinely funny joke that fits, it’s OK.

A great alternative to humor is saying something slightly flirtatious. This will help ensure the interest level stays high.

Fellas, how are you going to keep yourself from coming on too strong in your emails? Feel free to join in on the conversation!

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