Why A Match Wont Respond

Men's Dating

Why a Match Won’t Respond

Sam Stieler

Written by: Sam Stieler

Sam Stieler

Sam has been writing about dating and relationships for more than three years now. He holds a bachelor's degree from Bucknell University, has self-published a few of his own books and is currently working on mastering the double right turn in his salsa dancing classes.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Online dating

offers a great opportunity to meet countless women you wouldn’t normally encounter during your day-to-day life in an environment where you know, without any doubt, those women are looking to find a match. But that doesn’t mean online dating provides nothing but wonderful connection after wonderful connection.

There are times you will meet and go out with a woman who seems great, only to find out your positive projections were overly optimistic. And that’s assuming you’re even able to arrange a date with those women you find most desirable!

For many men, the biggest challenge of online dating isn’t going on bad dates. The real challenge is never even receiving a response from the many messages they send out.

So why don’t women respond to all of the messages they receive?

It’s might not be anything personal.

There are many, many reasons why a woman may not respond to your message, and many of them have nothing to do with you!

1. Women receive a huge volume of messages online.

Even women most of us wouldn’t consider conventionally attractive will receive at least a handful of new messages every single day. Most women will receive dozens of new messages a day. And conventionally attractive women in major metropolitan areas can even receive hundreds of new messages a day!

Responding to all those new messages while simultaneously continuing existing conversations would take a lot of time and energy: two resources in-demand women don’t have a lot of to spare. Your message could very well have gotten lost in the deluge.


“The most common reason a woman may not

respond to your message is because you tried

to hook her with a boring, uninspiring ‘hi.’”

2. She’s busy with other things.

If a woman with a lot of free time has no hope of responding to all of the messages she receives, do you believe a woman with a full offline life can manage the flood of requests sent her way? High-quality women live busy lives, plain and simple. And guess what? You should have a busy offline life as well!

3. Women don’t always know how to respond.

There was one woman I met on an online dating website whom I didn’t share much of a spark with but who became a good friend instead. When we used to grab dinner together, we would often exchange stories from our experiences on our shared site.

Often she would tell me she received some message she really liked from a guy she felt was promising. Yet, she never ended up responding to him. And why didn’t she respond? Because she didn’t know what to say.

You can write up an attractive profile and send out a great message but never receive a response for no other reason than the fact that women, from time to time, experience the same paralyzing feelings of awkwardness that can cripple you.

But sometimes it really is personal.

Don’t think I wrote out the above list to absolve you from your online dating responsibilities! Just because a woman’s unresponsive nature might not have anything to do with you, it doesn’t mean you don’t need to do everything in your power to stack the odds in your favor.

You still need to create an engaging, attractive profile. You still need to actually read the profiles of the women you are interested in messaging to get a feel for who they are as people and what they might find attractive about you. And you still need to take the time to write a personalized message that speaks directly to the woman you’re interested in starting a conversation with.

After all, even though women may not respond for a whole host of reasons that have nothing to do with you, the most common reason a woman may not respond to your message is because you tried to hook her with a boring, uninspiring “hi.”

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