How Do I Know if My Girlfriend is Just Flirting for Fun?

Kara Pound
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Reader Question:

How do I know if my girlfriend is just “fun flirting” or if she doesn’t love me anymore?

-Colin B. (Virginia)

Expert’s Answer:

Hey Colin,

What an interesting question. If we were having a two-way conversation, I would ask you for a lot more information. But since this is me virtually writing you a letter, I will have to use my imagination and cognoscente creativity. I’m assuming you and this girl are exclusive. (If you aren’t exclusive, then you really don’t get to be concerned about the level of flirting she is doing.) OK, so if we’ve established that the two of you are exclusive and your girlfriend is hugging, holding hands with, whispering to and giggling at everything your 10 best guy friends say, then “Houston, we have a problem.”

The definition of flirting is to “behave as though attracted to or trying to attract someone, but for amusement rather than with serious intentions.” Even if your girlfriend doesn’t plan on actually making out with or sleeping with one of the guys she flirts with, it is still hurtful to you – whatever the level of flirting it is. Chances are, she doesn’t even realize she’s doing it. So sit her down and tell her about how it makes you feel. If she listens and stops flirting with other guys, then she cares for you. If she continues her fun flirty ways, then it’s quite possible she’s not ready to settle down.

Thanks for reaching out,