I Have Good Qualities. Are Women Intimidated by Them?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Advertiser Disclosure

Reader Question:

I am a 23-year-old guy. My problem is that I can’t seem to find a girl who has the same interests, qualities and morals as me. I have never had a girlfriend, never had sex, never kissed a girl and never been out on a date. I graduated with a degree in civil engineering, I am athletic, I don’t drink or smoke, I want to stay a virgin until marriage, I have more than $200,000, and I am a really honest guy.

Don’t women like these qualities? Are they intimidated by them?

-John Harris (Virginia)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Your story seems to have a number of possibilities. On one level, I’m wondering if you are a little judgmental of women who may have more sexual experience than you, or who may have learned life lessons the hard way, by making a few mistakes. Maybe this search for perfection is limiting you.

On the other hand, I wonder if your desire to be a good guy, perfect catch actually evolved out of a worry that you aren’t good enough. Life is a self-fulfilling prophecy and we get what we believe we deserve.

Or, your relationship vacuum could simply be a result of a need for a brush up on social skills and mating strategies – something not unusual for left-brain dominant science and math whizzes.

If you suspect that your “game” could use some fine-tuning, I would suggest getting a male therapist who can guide you.

Finally, maybe you are just shopping in the wrong mall. If you want a woman who believes sex should be reserved for marriage, you’ll likely find her in a church youth group rather than a bar.

And, yes, some women are intimidated by a guy who seems so perfect. Show women your realness, your vulnerabilities, and they’ll have something to relate to.

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