Reader Question:
I am a 23-year-old guy. My problem is that I can’t seem to find a girl who has the same interests, qualities and morals as me. I have never had a girlfriend, never had sex, never kissed a girl and never been out on a date. I graduated with a degree in civil engineering, I am athletic, I don’t drink or smoke, I want to stay a virgin until marriage, I have more than $200,000, and I am a really honest guy.
Don’t women like these qualities? Are they intimidated by them?
-John Harris (Virginia)
Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:
Your story seems to have a number of possibilities. On one level, I’m wondering if you are a little judgmental of women who may have more sexual experience than you, or who may have learned life lessons the hard way, by making a few mistakes. Maybe this search for perfection is limiting you.
On the other hand, I wonder if your desire to be a good guy, perfect catch actually evolved out of a worry that you aren’t good enough. Life is a self-fulfilling prophecy and we get what we believe we deserve.
Or, your relationship vacuum could simply be a result of a need for a brush up on social skills and mating strategies – something not unusual for left-brain dominant science and math whizzes.
If you suspect that your “game” could use some fine-tuning, I would suggest getting a male therapist who can guide you.
Finally, maybe you are just shopping in the wrong mall. If you want a woman who believes sex should be reserved for marriage, you’ll likely find her in a church youth group rather than a bar.
And, yes, some women are intimidated by a guy who seems so perfect. Show women your realness, your vulnerabilities, and they’ll have something to relate to.
No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.
