I Have Good Qualities. Are Women Intimidated by Them?

Dr. Wendy Walsh
Dr. Wendy Walsh Updated:
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Reader Question:

I am a 23-year-old guy. My problem is that I can’t seem to find a girl who has the same interests, qualities and morals as me. I have never had a girlfriend, never had sex, never kissed a girl and never been out on a date. I graduated with a degree in civil engineering, I am athletic, I don’t drink or smoke, I want to stay a virgin until marriage, I have more than $200,000, and I am a really honest guy.

Don’t women like these qualities? Are they intimidated by them?

-John Harris (Virginia)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Your story seems to have a number of possibilities. On one level, I’m wondering if you are a little judgmental of women who may have more sexual experience than you, or who may have learned life lessons the hard way, by making a few mistakes. Maybe this search for perfection is limiting you.

On the other hand, I wonder if your desire to be a good guy, perfect catch actually evolved out of a worry that you aren’t good enough. Life is a self-fulfilling prophecy and we get what we believe we deserve.

Or, your relationship vacuum could simply be a result of a need for a brush up on social skills and mating strategies – something not unusual for left-brain dominant science and math whizzes.

If you suspect that your “game” could use some fine-tuning, I would suggest getting a male therapist who can guide you.

Finally, maybe you are just shopping in the wrong mall. If you want a woman who believes sex should be reserved for marriage, you’ll likely find her in a church youth group rather than a bar.

And, yes, some women are intimidated by a guy who seems so perfect. Show women your realness, your vulnerabilities, and they’ll have something to relate to.

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