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Dr. Wendy Walsh
I’ve been dating a woman for about two years (we’re both in our 40s) and everything else is great, except I think she’s cheating on me. I live and work about four hours away and can only get together with her about half of the days each month.
When her clothes came out of the dryer, they included a pair of sexy, lacy panties, which she’s never worn when I’m around. She’s disabled the personal locator setting on her phone and has a password lock. Once when I was away and I called her, I had to leave several messages, but she didn’t return my calls between 6 and 11 p.m. She said she went out with “Linda” for a few drinks from 6-11.
My biggest concern stems from the fact that once she openly admitted to “bending the truth” at work and “telling white lies” to friends. She of course denies everything, swears she’s faithful and loves me so very much and wants to get married.
Can you help?
Dear smart Billy,
What does your stomach tell you today? I ask you that because psychologists call our stomach our second brain.
Your head is being filled with red herrings, but your stomach seems to have crystal clear vision. Or does it?
If you have a history of jealousy or this impending wedding is bringing up old fears of being abandoned, then you must shut your tummy up. It’s feeding you false information that is related to something else.
On the other hand, why would you want to marry someone who is not entirely open with her life?
Does her Facebook page announce she’s in a relationship with you? How can you love and trust someone who warns you she’s a liar.
I mean, we all tell white lies, but we don’t brag about it.
Here’s my suggestion: Take the wedding off the table for now. See if your stomach calms down. If it doesn’t and you find more thongs in the dryer than your bed, you have your answer.
No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.