I’m Used to Wild Sex. How Do I Bring it Up in a Relationship?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh is the author of "The 30-Day Love Detox"" (April 2013).

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles and reports have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement.

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Reader Question:

My wife just passed early this year. We had a wild sex life. She would dress me in her clothes and lingerie. She would also tie me up, whip me and do me from behind.

How weird is that, and do a lot of girls like doing it? How would I bring that up in a relationship?

-Dustin (Utah)

Dr. Wendy Walsh:

Dustin, I’m so sorry to hear about your wife’s passing. It sounds like you are suffering a double loss, your wife and your exciting sex life.

I’ll give you some advice straight off the top of my head. This is not first date conversation. Nor is it third or fifth date conversation.

This kind of sexual exploration is best within a secure, loving, emotionally intimate relationship. There are plenty of women (not girls) who may participate in an S & M relationship with you. But no one will replace your wife.

The special sexual connection and shared activities you had are gone. I’m wondering if this wishing for that exact kind of adult play is also part of your mourning process.

My advice: Look for a trusting relationship and see where the sex evolves. You might find something even more exciting.

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