Men's Dating

My “One Phone Number” Rule

Shogo Garcia

Written by: Shogo Garcia

Shogo Garcia

Shogo Garcia is an internationally-experienced writer, speaker and coach who helps men develop their most naturally attractive personalities to connect with the women in their lives. Find out more about his work at

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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How many single guys fantasize that Friday and Saturday nights will be filled with fun, flirting and meeting plenty of new women to fill up their social life?

Too often, however, weekends out on the town end with nothing more than a huge bar tab, a drunken slice of late-night greasy pizza and a taxi ride home without a single decent conversation with a woman.

Or, if the guy has been practicing how to get more dates, he ends up with a pocket full of phone numbers.

But that doesn’t matter because when he calls those numbers (hmm, three days later?), all he gets is her voice mail. And she never calls back.

What’s going on here?

A single guy puts so much pressure on himself to make something happen with every woman he talks to in a social setting.

He needs to appear cool, confident and attractive in every conversation with a woman. He needs to get her intrigued and, with any luck, he’ll leave with her phone number.

But all of that pressure he puts on himself to “get her phone number” often leads to failure.

In the end, he never talks to any women because he’s afraid he won’t be able to “make something happen” with every woman.


“If you can make ONE real connection with a

woman, you’ll create a healthy dating life.”

Forget about getting her phone number.

I’d really like you to change that mindset.

When you’re about to (or have just started to) talk to a new woman, forget about getting her attracted to you.

Forget about whether or not you’re doing the right things to make her intrigued. Forget all of that pressure you’ve put on yourself.

Instead, focus only on whether you’re having a great connection right then and there because that’s the only thing that’s going to determine how she feels about you.

When you’re having a great conversation and the two of you really connect, then you get her phone number, not the other way around.

If you’ve ever wondered why a woman doesn’t call a man back after she’s given him her number, this is your answer:

It’s because he pressured her into it.

He was so focused on how to “extract” a phone number out of her that he ignored whether she even wanted to give him her number in the first place.

If she’s not interested in you or what you have to say in that moment, she’s not going to call you back no matter what you try to do.

Phone numbers are not important.

A good connection is what matters.

Getting three or four phone numbers every weekend may sound appealing right now, but really it’s just anticipating our own failure.

We’re anticipating some women are not going to call us back, others are going to flake and others won’t be attracted to us after a first date.

I don’t get flaked on, and I almost never have a bad first date. It’s not that I’m special or that I have some secret. I simply never think about getting a pocket full of phone numbers.

One phone number from the one woman I have the best connection with – that’s all I need.

If you can make ONE real connection with a woman once a week, or even once a month, you’ll have more than enough to create a healthy dating life.

How are you going to implement the “one phone number” rule? I really want to hear what you have to say.

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