She Doesn’t Want to Be Exclusive. What Should I Do?

Gina Stewart

Written by: Gina Stewart

Gina Stewart

Gina is the owner of Expert Online Dating. As an online dating consultant, she helps men and women maximize their online dating experiences to get more dates. You can visit her website,, for more information or to contact her.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

I met this girl on ChristianMingle. Two months into talking on the phone, I hid my profile and asked to fly to see her. We had a great time. After I got back, I bought a ticket for a month later to see her.

A week before the trip, she got a big promotion, so I asked if I could send flowers. She said she was angry for me wanting to send flowers, seeing them as “territorial.”

I asked if she saw me as a boyfriend. She said she didn’t want to be exclusive but she still wanted to see me. I said I can’t continue because I’m getting too attached to her for this to not be exclusive, especially with planning complex trips. Then she immediately flipped to asking me to be exclusive.

What should I do?

-Chris (Nebraska)

Gina Stewart’s Answer:

Establishing long-distance relationships is very tricky to maneuver when you’ve never lived in the same place from the get-go.

While you may have had a wonderful time together, don’t get caught up in what I call “The Bachelor” syndrome. That is, going on mini trips and adventures creates an illusion of connection and romance that isn’t built to last because that’s not how real-world relationships work.

As such, it’s easy to see why she could feel both emotionally attached to you and still be afraid of exclusive commitment.

Don’t put the cart before the horse here, cowboy. It sounds like you have potential for sure, but at this point, you need to take your time. Try to continue getting to know one another as best you can in the circumstances.

To avoid pricey flights, schedule lots of Skype dates, play interactive games on your phone together and rent/watch movies and shows at the same time.

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