She Doesn’t Want to Get Back Together. Any Suggestions?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

My girlfriend of six to seven years and mother of my two daughters (3 years and 7 months) broke up with me for three years. During a drop in our relationship status, I had another child from a very old good friend/ex-girlfriend. It’s been three years since the situation. I did everything to show I’m still in love with her.

Then we had our newest daughter, the 7-month-old, with me thinking this will close the gap in the relationship bridge. But it’s the total opposite — less sex, more arguments and her proclaiming she’s not into sex right now and I can go out and find a girlfriend or sex buddy if that’s what I want. She doesn’t see herself ever accepting my other child from another woman and doesn’t see me and her getting back together.

Any suggestions?

-Walter (Florida)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Walter,

What a sweet mess of baby-love and baby-mama drama. Hold on to your seat because I’m going to give you some straight talk about how you can “man up” here.

Right now there are three people whose needs should come well before yours — those THREE children.

They are your genes and your responsibility, and no matter what happens with their mothers, you need to find a way to be a solid presence in their lives. You matter to them. Trust me on this.

But here’s the sticky part. The only way to do this while your children are young is to find a way to work things out with those two baby mamas.

I suspect both women feel threatened by each other. One has postpartum body and mind and is probably feeling overwhelmed with a toddler and infant. Sex should be the last thing on your mind right now — unless you want to have more hungry mouths to feed and another baby mama to fight with.

Here’s what a real man does in a situation like this.

He decides how much time and money he can allocate to each child. Then he has a separate meeting with each of the mothers and tells her exactly the kind of relationship he wants to have with her and her child.

I suspect the “old/ex-girlfriend” wants some clear definition of your fatherhood and friendship relationship, too.

But the mom in crisis is the one you want to close the gap with.

FYI, darling man, babies don’t seal relationship deals. They add a ton of stress and can more often lead to a breakup.

So, now the real work comes. That may mean being a gentleman and keeping it in your pants for a while so you give care and concern to a mom whose body and mind are healing after a second childbirth.

She needs you to help with the kids, get food on the table and give her the short breaks she needs to get a clear head again.

This, smart young man, is where the rubber hits the pavement in relationships. Are you up for it?

I sure hope so because your children need you to be. May the force be with you — Daddy Power!

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