She Never Contacted Me Again. What Happened?

I joined a dating site and a girl found me and said I was hot and she wanted to meet me. She lived four hours away, so she came to sleep at my home and enjoy the next day. Well, we had great sex and a great day. She said it was one of her best dates. Well, she never contacted me again after a week of many texts and calls. I felt a connection. What happened?

-Brad S. (New Hampshire)

Hi, Brad.

I can’t tell you for certain what happened or what she was thinking, but it sounds to me like you were the victim of a woman who just wanted to use you for your body, and maybe for your house. Welcome to the world of “Wham, bam, thank you, ma’am” that women have been dealing with for thousands of years. Seriously, I would say that you were played by a female player. There are a lot of clues in your letter that lead me to believe this:

• She found you…online.
• She said you were hot.
• She came to play and had sex on your first meeting.
• She was great in bed.
• She dropped off the face of the earth.

This sounds like a modern, ultra-liberated girl who is in permanent spring break hookup mode. She is a connoisseur of fine men and loves to get laid. Her scenario may have gone something like this:

She needed to come to your city for some reason. The reason really doesn’t matter. She was coming to your neck of the woods and needed a place to stay. She looked for a hot guy on the dating site so she could combine a little business with pleasure and get a free room, too.

If this is correct, she may have spent quite a bit of time on her cell phone talking or texting when she was with you. Depending on her real purpose, some of her phone conversations might have seemed rather private. She may have had to run off somewhere for a while one day, although she could have taken care of the business before or after her time with you.

She said you were “hot” rather than saying you were “really cute” or “handsome.” This is typical of players, who are concerned with the sexual commodity and not with the individual person. This is also typical of guys and girls who like to hook up rather than have meaningful relationships. She probably called you “babe” rather than calling you by your name, too. It keeps you from being a real person to her, and she doesn’t have to remember your name.

I’ll bet that her sexuality seemed very natural, and you felt like you had known her for a long time. She undressed herself and was open and comfortable when she was naked and in the arms of a man. She probably gave your hot body the full treatment and often took the lead, as if the two of you had practiced and perfected this magnificent sexual routine over many months of lovemaking. She is very skilled in rocking her own world, and your enjoyment is just a by-product of her ravenous sexual appetite. Ask yourself: Did she make love to me, or did she simply screw my brains out?

If you’re going to be successful in seeing her again, you are going to have to appeal to her desire for hot sex and not to any feelings or connection you may have felt. The good news is that she really does think you are hot, and there are definitely untapped feelings somewhere inside of her. Who knows — you might be the guy who can eventually tame this one.

Nick