Can You Have A Great Relationship Without Great Sex

Men's Dating

Can You Have a Great Relationship Without Great Sex?

Nick Slade

Written by: Nick Slade

Nick Slade

Nick spent 20 years in the dating scene before marriage. He has always been the guy friends would come to for advice on relationships, and he developed a knack for giving helpful insights. After college, Nick was a disc jockey for a few years, when the love generation was still alive, so Nick has a lot of relevant experience to draw from when it comes to every aspect of dating, falling in love and screwing things up. He holds Bachelor's degree in humanities and a slew of master’s credits in journalism. Nick is a news junkie and tries to keep up on the latest non-fiction when he has time. He has published two books on how to win at dating and relationships.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Sex is like rain. When you’re in a drought, it’s hard to think of anything else, and when a gentle rain falls every night, we don’t give it a second thought. When everything is in balance, we can attack all of the aspects of work and life with vibrancy and vigor.

The importance of a good sexual relationship should not be under estimated. Great sexual chemistry has the capacity to satisfy us on a physical, emotional and even intellectual level. Good sex keeps our ego strong and allows us to feel capable in other areas of life, while boring sex can leave us feeling incomplete, incompetent and even a little depressed.

The question arises: How important should sex be in our relationships? Is below-par sex a deal-breaker if the girl is our soul mate? Is amazing sex enough to get us by in an otherwise uninspiring relationship?

In a perfect world (well, a man’s perfect world) we might have a sweet little woman at home to love and nurture our hearts and souls and a fiery erotic vixen nearby to provide the incredibly hot sex that can only come from forbidden carnal pleasures – the hunt and conquest and variety. But that’s a story for another day. Today is about reality.

Looking for something more.

If we’re being honest with ourselves, we understand that we do need to have a bit of physical desire for a woman before we choose to approach her. But there is something more that we look for when we’re playing for keeps. Maybe it’s her professional confidence, that pensive glint in her eye that reveals her mysterious inner workings, or a sense of peace and comfort we feel in her presence.

It’s the depth and breadth of her character and personality that ultimately make us lock in on that special someone. Her breathtaking face, hair, skin and curves may catch our eye initially, but the difficult qualities to find are compatibility, interest and a bond of compassion. Those are the parts of attraction that make us refrain from sneaking out before she wakes up.


“You can stay around for the sex while you try to build the bond,

but if that dimension never develops, think about moving

on. Great sex always cools down anyway, especially when

there is no fire in the heart to keep it hot.”

Bad sex is easier to improve than a bad relationship.

If the sex starts out average, but you really like the girl, remember that it is easier to improve the sex than it is to improve a bad relationship. The relationship has to be the center of it all for the long haul.

The good news is that if she does not satisfy you completely at first, she probably has not had a lot of partners and meaningless sexual experiences to hone her skills. That’s your job. If she puts a damper on things when you want to explore new possibilities, you may need to talk, slow down and add a little romance with wine, music and candlelight.

Or maybe it’s you. You can’t just wham bam your true love the same way you did with that cheerleader in the back seat whose name you didn’t even know. If you want a great response, give her something great to respond to.

Where there is love, there is a way.

Of course, there are those times when your styles or chemistry are just so different that neither of you has the sexual magic the other one is looking for. Where there is love, there is a way. Communication is the key, otherwise you may both just go through the motions and allow each other to lose interest completely. If she has no clue that you are not satisfied (and vice versa) things will never get better.

Always listen to what she has to say. She reads books and magazines and watches TV shows on the topic all the time. If she wants to see a counselor, do it. If she has some other ideas, try them out. Sometimes you will have to do something to make it great for her, and she will have to do something else to make it great for you. That’s OK!

Opting for great sex with a hollow relationship is a perfect recipe for giving away half of your worldly possessions every five years. It’s much harder to create love than it is to create great sex. You can stay around for the sex while you try to build the bond, but if that dimension never develops, think about moving on. Great sex always cools down anyway, especially when there is no fire in the heart to keep it hot.

In this age of pharmaceutical enhancements, any man can perform long and well and be back at the plate for another round in no time at all. The challenge for a man now should not be to satisfy himself or even his woman physically, but rather to find that transcendent connection that elevates sex from a brief release to an uplifting and fulfilling bond that reaches far beyond the moment of pleasure.

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