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Dr. Wendy Walsh
As humans, we are wired to connect and technology is one tool that can brings couples closer. But the key is learning how to use a cell phone text to build a healthy relationship and avoid falling into the one-note relationship — the sex-text trap.
Bad text etiquette, it can also disrupt building a healthy, intimate relationship. Before sending a text message, be sure you’re not about to make one of these three big mistakes lots of women are making today:
Guys these days seem to love sexting. But getting too sexually suggestive too soon can send a message that this is a booty call, not a courtship.
Remember, many men still believe in the double standard and at the beginning of a relationship, they don’t know which category to put a woman in.
And many women don’t realize how much power and control they have in terms of the pace of a relationship. Save your frisky texts and all their erotic content as something fun to spice up long-term monogamy, rather than a trick to reel in a newcomer.
“He may have moved on
to the next girl’s JPEG.”
It’s 1 a.m. You’ve just finished your last tivo-ed episode of “Gossip Girl” and have tucked in for the night with a clean face and flannel pj’s. Then he calls. The yummy one whom you are really into. How sweet, you think. He’s thinking of me before bed.
Actually, in today’s high-supply sexual economy, he’s likely a little drunk, on his way home from the bar and thinking of you and the other girls he sent a group text to. He’s probably not thinking about love unless it’s a lovely pillow romp.
Responding to a late-night text sends the message that you have weak boundaries and will do anything for him. And it’s a bonehead move if you’re looking for more than an exchange of juices.
And….drum roll please, the single biggest mistake that women make when texting:
We’ve all heard the horror stories. Naked pictures sent via sext ending up in unintended places — from the Internet to his entire guy network’s cell phones. There’s even a website where guys can recycle nude photos of ex-girlfriends. Yuck!
That in itself should be your biggest deterrent. But there’s also the fact that you’re essentially giving away the milk for free.
Women may consider a partially naked photo to be a flirty courtship strategy, but to visually wired men, the photo alone can bring a dopamine charge that is akin to sex itself.
So, down the road when you are finally ready to take the relationship to a real-world sexual level, he may have moved on to the next girl’s JPEG or simply be less inclined to saddle up to the real thing.
If you respond to his request for a nude picture with a confident and smiley faced, “No way, Brett Favre,” you’ll send the message that you have standards he may find very attractive.