How Do I Get Him to Slow Down Without Hurting His Feelings?

Gina Stewart
Gina Stewart Updated:
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Reader Question:

I need advice on how to slow a guy down. We have only been on three dates and have known each other for less than a month. He’s suddenly planning our whole future.

He’s calling himself my niece’s new uncle. He’s planning a trip for us to go on more than a year away. He wants me to meet his family. I feel like the next time I see him he’s going to drop the L-word on me.

How to I get him to slow down without hurting him?

-Diana (Minnesota)

Gina Stewart’s Answer:

That’s troublesome when you like someone, but you don’t want to force the relationship into a place it’s not at naturally.

I find people who are overly eager to jump into the future lean on the insecure side, and this makes them feel like they have a relationship safety net.

With that said, an insecure person is sensitive to signals of rejection and you could cause them to freak out if you’re too honest.

I would try to make his advances into something lighthearted but not rejecting. Make a joke like you can’t meet the parents until you’ve had at least two serious talks about religion and politics and have seen him sing karaoke.

Use your own style of levity to express your needs. He’ll pick up that you’re still in this with him but that you’re not at the point he is yet for many of these things.

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