He Says He’s Changed. Should I Stay and Try to Fix Things?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

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Reader Question:

This guy and I have been dating for almost a year. We have patches of really good times and times where we constantly fight.

He makes me feel very low about myself and I’m weary if I can trust him. We have been on a break for about two weeks now and he says he has changed.

I have met this new guy and he’s really nice and sweet. He knows about my situation and is sticking around, but I don’t know if I want to throw everything away.

Should I stay and try to fix things or start a new beginning?

-Kelsi (Kansas)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Kelsi,

First of all, no one can make you have feelings you don’t already have. They can only amplify them.

Being with this guy seems to be confirming a thought you have that you “are very low,” but the “really good times” bring you a kind of hope that you might be able to love yourself more.

So let me break this down for you in one simple concept: You are in love with hope.

You hope the good times will always last (which is kind of unrealistic), and you hope you won’t always feel bad about yourself.

I’ll tell you this: When you change your thoughts about yourself, you’ll become very clear about whether waiting for this guy to change is the right thing to do.

People who care about and respect themselves tend to move away from people who hurt them.

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