He’s Not Ready for a Relationship. Will He Ever Change?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh is the author of "The 30-Day Love Detox"" (April 2013).

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles and reports have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement.

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Reader Question:

This guy and I have been talking for about three years. We have never been in a relationship but have been intimate on several occasions.

I recently wanted to pursue a relationship. He got mad at me and told me he’s not ready. He stopped talking to me for three weeks. I told him as long as our friendship can last, a relationship is not important.

Do you think he will ever change? Should I wait around for him?

-Shakia (Massachusetts)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Shakia,

He will not change if you stay the same. All his needs are being met here. He has no reason to enter a romantic relationship if he can get all the benefits without having to commit.

He even tested you by cutting off communication for three weeks. And you came running back to maintain the old, unfulfilling friendship.

My advice: Tell him clearly when he’s ready to have a real, committed, romantic relationship, he should call you, but until then, you are unavailable.

Then don’t get weak and let him suck you back into the old system. No texting. No calling. No Facebook stalking.

My hunch is this is not the guy for you, but this friendship is somehow keeping you from meeting a really great guy.

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