Women's Dating

If He Says He “Needs Space,” Don’t Do This

Guy Blews

Written by: Guy Blews

Guy Blews

Guy Blews can be found at www.RealisticRelationships.com where he offers practical, logical, applicable, original and sometimes brutal advice that is designed to help you thrive in the real world and succeed in the love world.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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In my previous post, I told you what a guy means when he says he needs space.

I also told you to step back and be objective about your relationship. By this, I mean you should step back from your relationship and view it from an outsider’s perspective.

What would you say to a friend in your position with your knowledge of the situation?

He says he needs space. This is not a good thing. But it’s also not the worst thing.

In fact, it could be viewed as an opportunity.

If he needs space, then give him space. No questions, no drama, no problem.


Because he will be expecting questions, drama and problems.

The most appealing thing to a man about a woman is her sense of independence. That is why he wanted you in the first place.

But now he has cooled off, stepped back, become distant and asked for space.

My best guess is he needs space because he feels confined, either physically or emotionally.

He feels confined because you are looking to him for a sense of completeness, and that means you are letting go of the independence he needs you to have.

I am aware you might feel a bond with him which should override the independence you both have.

However, from a guy’s perspective, the woman who pushes herself too hard on him (either physically or emotionally) begins to raise red flags that suggest she is going to be a burden rather than a great partner.

This is where the opportunity comes in.

This is your chance to prove his fears to be ill-founded.

He said he needs space. You would prefer him to not have said it and to not even need it, but it’s too late.

Now you have to act and you have to think outside the relationship box you have created.

It is time for you to be the best girlfriend, lover or wife you can be. It is time to regain that independent and confident girl he fell in love with.


“You have to use his need for space to

clarify what is truly important for you.”

Ready? Set? Go!

1. Don’t wallow in self-pity.

He will hear about it and he will lose respect for you.

2. Don’t call all your friends.

Don’t tell them everything he said and how you feel. It will get back to him and he will feel guilty.

Speak to your best friend, but don’t bore her with the details.

3. Don’t miraculously appear when he is out with friends.

It will make him feel uncomfortable, and it will make you look like a psycho.

4. Do get on with your life.

This is assuming you have a life outside him. If you don’t, then you need to get one. See? An opportunity.

5. Do think about your role in his need for space.

Be brutally honest with yourself, and be honest about his behavior, too.

If you were being needy, then recognize it. If he was being distant, then work out why. Was it you, or was it someone else?

6. Do step back and be objective about the overall relationship.

Are you really right for each other? Or could you both use a break or perhaps even a breakup?

It is OK to consider all the options on the table. How else will you come to the right conclusion?

It is essential you deal with the situation calmly, clearly and honestly so you can talk about it like adults when and if the time comes that he has had enough space.

It is important you do not lose sight of where you would like this relationship to be so you are able to express yourself with truth and confidence when the time is right.

This does NOT mean you sit down and lay out your agenda to him. It means you are confident in your future desires and you are able to express them (whether or not he will be involved).

And that is the clincher.

You have to be prepared to let him go if he is not the right person for you right now.

You have to use his need for space to clarify within yourself and for yourself what is truly important for you so you are confident enough to go for it no matter what the outcome of this particular relationship situation may be.

He says he needs space — you use that as an opportunity.

Ladies, how are you going to make the most of this situation and use this as an opportunity?

Photo source: michaelhyatt.com.

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