10 Signs Hes Not The One

Women's Dating

10 Signs He’s Not The One

Rachel Dack

Written by: Rachel Dack

Rachel Dack

Rachel Dack is a licensed clinical professional counselor (LCPC) and relationship coach specializing in individual and couples psychotherapy. Rachel's areas of expertise include relationships, dating, mindfulness, anxiety, depression and self-esteem.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Sometimes relationships activate nerves and uncertainties as you and your partner learn about each other to determine if a lifetime together is what you want.

You might temporarily experience doubts or cold feet or wonder if he is right for you. However, it is important to assess if your concerns are powerful indicators that something is not right.

While some uncertainty is bound to appear from time to time, you should not stay in a relationship in which you have to convince yourself it’s what you want, feel bad about yourself, are treated in unsatisfactory or emotionally harmful ways or have a gut feeling that you should leave.

Again, some wondering is natural, but there are several key red flags, behaviors and emotions you should be aware of and refuse to ignore. If these are present, it is time to rethink your commitment to him and exit gracefully.

How can you tell he is not The One and you are better off moving on?

1. You feel bad about yourself.

You can’t be your most authentic self because he puts you down, criticizes you, has a temper or appears to change personalities when you are alone together and when you are with family and friends.

You feel he does not genuinely accept you for who you are and are constantly being judged or degraded by him.

2. You have strong urges to change him.

You may have a mental list of what he has to do or change to fit your criteria for The One. You may even become anxious as you evaluate if he can be this person for you.

It is absolutely OK if you need more than he can give you and you should not waste time staying with him if you constantly feel unfulfilled. It is essential not to ignore any deal-breakers that keep popping up in your relationship.

3. You have major differences in values.

This includes beliefs, future goals and expectations of relationships and commitment. After spending time communicating to break through these barriers, you feel you are still not on the same page.

Maybe having children is important to you, but he is set on not having kids. Although compromising is a key aspect of healthy relationships, do not give up on your absolute must-haves and what is most important to you.

4. He is jealous, controlling or possessive.

These traits are generally rooted in insecurity and have the potential to cause resentment, anger and relationship conflict.

It’s a bad sign if he does not want you to have your own life, forbids you from seeing friends or must know where you are and who you are with at all times. In relationships, you should both have your own lives (rooted in trust and honesty) while creating a healthy life together.

5. He has lied to you or deceived you.

This causes you to not trust him. Maybe you have caught him in several lies or are getting feedback from others that he is not being fully honest with you.

 If he gets defensive, angry or more secretive when you confront him, most likely you are dealing with a compulsive liar.

“Sometimes you have to say

goodbye on your path to The One.”

6. He engages in regular unhealthy habits.

In fact, he loves you very much but loves these things more than you. Examples include using drugs excessively, binging on alcohol or gambling as a means to functioning

These behaviors are different from social behaviors. They are symptoms of a disease or addiction and will negatively affect your relationship unless he takes ownership, seeks treatment and commits to changing his ways.

7. You are not his priority.

If he is serious about you, he will fit you into his schedule, make time to see you or communicate with you (not matter how busy he is) and your efforts to keep the relationship going will be mutual.

The one for you will make sure you know how much he cares and make you an important part of his life through his words and actions.

8. You are scared to discuss certain topics.

You might feel you are walking on eggshells or fear a negative response from him.

The foundation of healthy relationships is communication, and if he’s The One, he will deeply connect with you, actively listen and remain engaged in hearing about your experiences.

9. You are the only one making an effort.

Successful relationships require compromise, support and give and take that is equal and mutual.

10. You have a gut feeling or intuition something is off.

You may love him or deeply want the relationship to work, but you have an instinct that he is not right. The best advice I can offer you is to trust yourself and what you feel.

Your emotions are biology’s way of telling you what you need. Although no relationship is perfect, you deserve a relationship that brings you safety, security, love and happiness.

The 10 signs above make it extremely hard for relationships to stand the test of time and can contribute to a lack of health and dissatisfaction in your life.

It can be incredibly difficult to walk away from a relationship you invested time in, but sometimes you have to say goodbye on your path to the man who is truly The One.

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