He Won’t Ask Me to Hang Out Anymore. Why is He Acting This Way?

Dr. Wendy Walsh
Dr. Wendy Walsh Updated:
Discuss This! Discuss This!

Reader Question:

Myself and a co-worker have been “dating” for three months. I don’t know if we are an actual couple, friends with benefits, or if he’s just trying to use me for sex. This last week at work has been AMAZING – lots of affectionate cuddling, hugging, tickling, flirting, random touching, lots of talking.

But he won’t ask me to hang out after work and cuddle on his bed anymore. I have held back the sex because I don’t know if we are an actual couple or not and I don’t want to be used for that.

Why is he acting this way?

-Shelly (Minnesota)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

You want my stone cold answer?

Why is he acting this way? Because you let him.

You had sex with a man before he earned it. Since you didn’t ask for a commitment, and he didn’t feel obliged to offer it, you are now in the no man’s land of a relationship that lacks definition.

My advice: Tell him clearly you made a mistake. Tell him to take his paws off you in your professional environment (he’s just like a dog peeing on a fire hydrant to keep other dogs off), and ask him to be exclusive before you will ever engage in sex again.

I warn you, you may lose this one, but he’ll be a great practice guy for you to express yourself with and be clear about your desires.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.