He Won’t Ask Me to Hang Out Anymore. Why is He Acting This Way?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

Myself and a co-worker have been “dating” for three months. I don’t know if we are an actual couple, friends with benefits, or if he’s just trying to use me for sex. This last week at work has been AMAZING – lots of affectionate cuddling, hugging, tickling, flirting, random touching, lots of talking.

But he won’t ask me to hang out after work and cuddle on his bed anymore. I have held back the sex because I don’t know if we are an actual couple or not and I don’t want to be used for that.

Why is he acting this way?

-Shelly (Minnesota)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

You want my stone cold answer?

Why is he acting this way? Because you let him.

You had sex with a man before he earned it. Since you didn’t ask for a commitment, and he didn’t feel obliged to offer it, you are now in the no man’s land of a relationship that lacks definition.

My advice: Tell him clearly you made a mistake. Tell him to take his paws off you in your professional environment (he’s just like a dog peeing on a fire hydrant to keep other dogs off), and ask him to be exclusive before you will ever engage in sex again.

I warn you, you may lose this one, but he’ll be a great practice guy for you to express yourself with and be clear about your desires.

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