He Won’t Ask Me to Hang Out Anymore. Why is He Acting This Way?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh is the author of "The 30-Day Love Detox"" (April 2013).

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles and reports have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement.

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Reader Question:

Myself and a co-worker have been “dating” for three months. I don’t know if we are an actual couple, friends with benefits, or if he’s just trying to use me for sex. This last week at work has been AMAZING – lots of affectionate cuddling, hugging, tickling, flirting, random touching, lots of talking.

But he won’t ask me to hang out after work and cuddle on his bed anymore. I have held back the sex because I don’t know if we are an actual couple or not and I don’t want to be used for that.

Why is he acting this way?

-Shelly (Minnesota)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

You want my stone cold answer?

Why is he acting this way? Because you let him.

You had sex with a man before he earned it. Since you didn’t ask for a commitment, and he didn’t feel obliged to offer it, you are now in the no man’s land of a relationship that lacks definition.

My advice: Tell him clearly you made a mistake. Tell him to take his paws off you in your professional environment (he’s just like a dog peeing on a fire hydrant to keep other dogs off), and ask him to be exclusive before you will ever engage in sex again.

I warn you, you may lose this one, but he’ll be a great practice guy for you to express yourself with and be clear about your desires.


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