Reader Question:
Myself and a co-worker have been “dating” for three months. I don’t know if we are an actual couple, friends with benefits, or if he’s just trying to use me for sex. This last week at work has been AMAZING – lots of affectionate cuddling, hugging, tickling, flirting, random touching, lots of talking.
But he won’t ask me to hang out after work and cuddle on his bed anymore. I have held back the sex because I don’t know if we are an actual couple or not and I don’t want to be used for that.
Why is he acting this way?
-Shelly (Minnesota)
Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:
You want my stone cold answer?
Why is he acting this way? Because you let him.
You had sex with a man before he earned it. Since you didn’t ask for a commitment, and he didn’t feel obliged to offer it, you are now in the no man’s land of a relationship that lacks definition.
My advice: Tell him clearly you made a mistake. Tell him to take his paws off you in your professional environment (he’s just like a dog peeing on a fire hydrant to keep other dogs off), and ask him to be exclusive before you will ever engage in sex again.
I warn you, you may lose this one, but he’ll be a great practice guy for you to express yourself with and be clear about your desires.
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