He’s “Dating” Another Girl. Do I Give Him an Ultimatum?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

I met a guy online who lives 500 miles away. He’s 34 and I’m 53. He did tell me he had a girl he dated “locally” and that he was just on the site looking for friends. Three months later we realized we have feelings for each other.

Meanwhile, he still indicates he’s having issues with his girlfriend, who is not someone he’s “dating” locally. He’s living with her and they’ve been together for four years.

I finally decided we had to meet to see if this was worth pursuing. He gave me the reason he didn’t think it was right to do it while he was still with her. I finally gave him an ultimatum and told him I couldn’t play second fiddle. He professed his love but said he was very confused.

Do I give him ultimatum, it’s her or me? Am I wrong to ask him to make that decision?

-Nancy (Florida)

Dr Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Oh Nancy, Nancy, Nancy! You wrote to me for honesty, right? Well, are you sitting down? Because here comes a honey pot of reality.

You are living in fantasy land, my dear woman. You have not even met this person who may or may not be a man and who may or may not have a girlfriend.

I highly suggest you see the documentary “Catfish” (available on iTunes and Netflix) about an online love scam.

But even if you don’t do that, let’s assume for a moment he’s actually who he says he is and ignore the fact he began writing to you by lying about his relationship status.

Let’s just look at the alleged facts.

A.) He’s nearly 20 years younger than you.

B.) He’s in a serious relationship.

C.) He told you from the beginning he’s only looking to be friends.

So I ask you, why would you risk your heart on such a bad bet?

The question should not be about giving him an ultimatum, but rather, should you give yourself the love you deserve?

If so, then this is not the horse you should ride into the sunset with. Run, girl!

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