His Ex Won’t Stop Texting Him. Does He Love Me?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

I started dating one of my close friends. Everything was all right until we started to argue more. He said he needed time to think about things but wouldn’t specify what “things” he needed to think about.

After being split up for a week, I decided I would give us another chance. Well come to find out he had gotten back together with his ex-girlfriend the day after we broke up. I told him if he wanted me, then he needed to break up with her.

Ever since then, she has not stopped texting him. I told him he needs to tell her off, but he just won’t do it.

Does he love me? Or is he just immature and needs time to grow up and be a real man?

-Caley (Maine)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Caley,

I’m wondering if your question might be better worded, “Do I need more time to grow up and become a real woman?”

Let’s take a look at what happened here:

There was conflict and the two of you didn’t have enough conflict resolution skills to find a path back to love. His only tool (a bad one at that) was to cut off the relationship to find some peace.

But clearly he likes having a girl because he latched onto an old girlfriend right away.

You couldn’t wait for him to return, so after merely a week, YOU decided to charge ahead and pursue him. Now you are making demands on him to control his ex-girlfriend’s behavior.

Here’s a wonderful lesson that will help you for the rest of your life: We cannot control anyone’s behavior. We can only control our own.

That may mean learning to control your tongue in an argument or contain yourself during separations.

There were many lessons for you in this painful event. The biggest sign of growth is not making the same mistake twice.

I wish you wisdom, young lady. When it hurts the most, you are growing the most.

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