How Much To Tell A New Person About You

Women's Dating

How Much to Tell a New Person About You

L.B.

Written by: L.B.

L.B.

Dr. LeslieBeth (LB) Wish is a nationally recognized psychologist, licensed clinical social worker and author specializing in women’s issues. Look for her two research-based self-help books soon: “The Love Adventures of Almost Smart Cookie” (Create Space) and “Smart Relationships” (New Horizon Press).

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles and reports have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement.

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How much should I tell this guy about me on our second date? I really like him and we clicked. I’m divorced, but my ex is still disruptive and mean to our two kids.

I’m afraid if I tell too much about me to this new man, I’ll lose him. What should I do?

-Andie (Ohio)

Dear Andie,

Those early stages of dating can feel as though you’re on a roller coaster.

On the way up the hill, you like the excitement of the beginning and you want to tell him all while the thrill lasts.

On the way down, you fear the unknown, so you grip that handrail and hold back too much.

You’re not alone. We all want to be loved and accepted, but the ride can be really scary.

Here are some tips to help you get smart and brave about those first few dates.

1. Start with the now and live in the present moment. 

If you are a parent, then tell your date. You can’t hide it.

But you don’t need to go into the history of you and your ex. Stay in the present moment and enjoy your time together.

 

“You can always tell him more if

the relationship continues.”

2. Choose activities instead of a fancy dinner.

Make your dates resemble everyday life. Go to your town’s events, run errands, hang out with friends.

Observe how he treats others and you. Is he patient, or does he begrudge doing some things you like?

Dinner talk is cheap. Seeing him interact teaches you whether you can trust him with information about your past.

3. Too much too soon.

Resist the temptation to rush the intimacy by telling your life story too soon.

You don’t yet know how this new person thinks. Telling all the ups and downs in your life makes you appear desperate to be loved.

Speak about your past in general terms. Give the tip of the iceberg in the beginning.

You might reveal your divorce was rough but you’re much better at managing it now.

4. Reveal some less intense issues. 

Be you. Let him see you be indecisive or spill your drink, and then observe his reactions.

Your comfort with his comfort with you will help you decide what, when and if to reveal your more private side.

5. Establish a positive view of you.

On other dates, if he asks for more details, focus on how brave and strong you were to leave your ex.

You can always tell him more if the relationship continues.

Ladies, I want to know: How do you keep yourself from revealing too much too soon?

Photo source: eligiblemagazine.com.

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