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Dr. Wendy Walsh
This guy and I have been dating for three months, and we already had sexual intercourse. My feelings for him are really deep. We’ve had some trust issues along the way because I checked his phone. When I questioned him about the other girl, he claims, “Elle, we aren’t in a relationship.” We practically live together and sleep together all the time. I met his family, but I don’t know if he should meet mine because I don’t know if we’re serious enough.
What do I do?
-Elle (New York)
Oh my sweet, dear Elle. You made the mistake of so many women in a high-supply sexual economy. You thought sex before a commitment would lead to a commitment.
Sadly, it never does. Some words of “who are we” and “what are our feelings for each other” need to be expressed BEFORE sex happens. I know one NY woman who has a 20-date rule just to weed out the guys who aren’t in it for the long haul.
But it may not be too late. Give him a taste of your morals. If he won’t be exclusive because you two are “not in a relationship,” then you tell him you only have sex with people you are in an exclusive relationship with. Then quietly, but firmly, close your legs.
Now be prepared for the consequences. You may lose him, but if you continue the way you are, you are guaranteed to lose him and maybe gain an STD and a broken heart.
No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.