Love Is A Verb Not A Noun

Women's Dating

Love is a Verb, Not a Noun

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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So many people I council talk about love as if it’s something you find — a thing, a person, a place. Love may be a feeling but it certainly isn’t a noun. Love is not something you capture. You don’t just suddenly stumble upon it like a treasure chest left on a sidewalk. Love is something you do. It’s something you build. And to keep love alive, you simply do more.

Love is an action word.

It’s a verb. It involves sacrifice and giving. Two people who exchange care feel “in love,” but that’s only because they are both being so active. I think people who are hoping to find love are really hoping to find a compatible mate upon which to shower their love. And accomplishing that goal is part luck and part determination. (Make yourself attractive and plant yourself near a good fishing hole, but that’s another blog.)

Start with friends and family.

And while you are waiting to find a target for your good will, the best way to create love is to sprinkle it all over your life. Start with friends and family. Have you been loving toward them lately? Have you been sacrificing for them?

Next, move on to charity work. Have you been showering love on those less fortunate? Remember, the biggest beneficiary of your love is you. Acts of altruism and random acts of kindness transform you. Daily random acts of kindness have been as affective as an antidepressant in lifting people’s spirits. They make you feel good and that looks attractive to a mate.

If you are in a relationship, know that love never dies.

The only thing that dies is one or both partner’s energy to create a loving environment. I can’t tell you how many times a married person has said to me, “I love my husband but I’m not ‘in love’ with him anymore.” And I usually respond with “I hope not!”

If a couple is in a long-term married relationship and they expect it to feel like the delusion of early romantic love, they will never be happy. Boredom is not an excuse for a divorce. Boredom is a wake-up call that you haven’t been loving enough. Where’s that verb, that action word?

Ask not what your relationship can do for you. Ask what you can do for your relationship. Is today the day to go into action?

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