The Emotional Ripple Effect of Weddings

Most people know the feeling of being a wedding guest and becoming a little misty-eyed. The well of warm emotions for a bride and groom can cause even the most stoic person to feel lovey-dovey. 

However, that emotional rush can also trigger a range of good and bad feelings that may prompt you to reflect on your own relationship. 

I want to start with the good news: Attending weddings has been known to cause a ripple effect of proposals, this trend is sometimes called the “wedding effect” or “engagement contagion.” Simply put, marriage is contagious. Let’s talk about why.

Some dating pros say the wedding ripple effect occurs because of all the romantic triggers. Most weddings are displays of love and happiness. They are a public celebration of a couple’s commitment to each other. 

Witnessing such romance can sometimes inspire others to evaluate their own relationship and decide they want a loving ceremony and celebration of their own.

Riding right along beside that romantic atmosphere is something called social contagion. We are social animals who have a herd mentality. Watching friends or peers become engaged or tie the knot, can unknowingly create a sense of social pressure to do the same thing. That’s why proposals are common in the weeks or months following a wedding.

Finally, weddings can cement the emotional connection between partners who attend together. There the two of you are, holding hands, tears in your eyes, moved by this celebration of love and commitment. You feel the same feeling at the same time, and this shared emotional reaction can create feelings of closeness.

Now here’s the bad news. The ripple effect of weddings can include a spate of breakups and divorces. Sadly, attending a wedding can bring up unresolved issues for a couple and lead them to break up.

A couple may compare their relationship to an unrealistic version of love. No day of marriage is as perfectly happy as the first day. Weddings are false advertising because they display an idealized version of relationships.

When a married couple witnesses new love, they might start experiencing “mature companionate love.” Meaning they could have longings for what they once had. This can cause negative feelings about where their relationship is currently.

Still others may be reminded of their own wedding and their own vows. This can be a kind of reality check. If a couple’s own vows have been broken at any time during your marriage, hearing the promises made between a bride and groom can be transformative. 

One partner may be reminded of what they originally signed up for in their own relationship, and it might not match their current situation. Obviously, this can lead to conflict.

And then, there’s the big green giant: envy (and its twin brother, insecurity). Seeing another couple’s happiness can amplify feelings of jealousy or insecurity in a relationship. Individuals may feel their own relationship lacks the loving connection they see in the newlyweds. 

I have often said that it’s sometimes easier to stand by a friend who is experiencing loss than by one who is experiencing joy.

Of course, not everyone is so influenced by attending weddings. Some people go for the food and music! But it’s good to keep in mind that a wedding day can indeed create a ripple effect of emotions and social cues that can lead to more proposals – or more breakups.