Should I Play Hard to Get?

Nick Slade

Written by: Nick Slade

Nick Slade

Nick spent 20 years in the dating scene before marriage. He has always been the guy friends would come to for advice on relationships, and he developed a knack for giving helpful insights. After college, Nick was a disc jockey for a few years, when the love generation was still alive, so Nick has a lot of relevant experience to draw from when it comes to every aspect of dating, falling in love and screwing things up. He holds Bachelor's degree in humanities and a slew of master’s credits in journalism. Nick is a news junkie and tries to keep up on the latest non-fiction when he has time. He has published two books on how to win at dating and relationships.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Playing hard to get is not a good strategy for every occasion. It works for some people sometimes in some situations. It’s like bluffing in poker: If you get called, you’ll have to show your hand or fold.

First of all, what does “hard to get” mean? Hard to get a date with? Hard to get to first base with? Hard to get naked? The best “hard to get” strategy takes it one step at a time. He is rebuffed at least one time at each milestone before he is allowed to pass to the next level. Each progressive step has to be earned.

There have to be some worthwhile teases and treats along the way to keep a man’s interest. It is his belief in the possibilities that keep the game alive. He has to know you have some level of interest but are skeptical or simply a lady of high value.

The worst “hard to get” strategy is the scenario in which you pretend to have no interest at all. This often backfires because your sexual tension builds as you hold back, while his remains low and cautious as a defense against rejection. So, once you decide to give him a little nibble, you lose control and give away the whole sandwich. Since he had no eager anticipation, the fireworks may not be so fantastic for him either.

Playing hard to get is a bit of a gamble, so you have to be prepared to lose him. It’s best used on someone you’ve known a long time, a guy who was dating a close friend of yours recently, or a player who is in serious need of being tamed by a real relationship with a real woman.

But be careful with the regular guys. A lot of them might appear to be confident, but it takes every bit of their courage just to approach you. They don’t require the “hard to get” treatment.

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