How Do I Stop Picking The Wrong Guy?

Gina Stewart

Written by: Gina Stewart

Gina Stewart

Gina is the owner of Expert Online Dating. As an online dating consultant, she helps men and women maximize their online dating experiences to get more dates. You can visit her website,, for more information or to contact her.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

How do I stop always picking the wrong guy? Since I was divorced eight years ago, it seems the few men I have been involved with are losers.

I have been currently trying online dating, but that just seems like I’m attracted to the same guys. All the responses I do get the chat quickly turns to sex.

What do I do?

-Sheri (Oregon)

Gina Stewart’s Answer:

First of all, congratulations, Sheri. You’re on the right path to solving your own problem. You see there is a problem, and you can identify what the problem looks like. Now you just have to prevent it.

First, make sure you have a list of things you have to have in a man and a list of deal-breakers. Don’t date any man who you know doesn’t cover things on your must-have list or if he posses any of your deal-breakers.

If they don’t fit the criteria, don’t get started. Pick a date fit for a mate. That said, go out with guys who do fit the criteria instead of relying on just your feelings because your feelings are leading you in the loser direction.

Next, don’t let the conversation move to sex. You have control over how a conversation goes. Most men will start out with a slight sexual innuendo, almost like a lure.

When you feel a man trying to go down that road, you have to make a decision to keep the conversation in a place where it’s not sexual. You can ignore the sexualized comments and only respond to other parts of the conversation, or you can change the conversation topic.

Sometimes it helps to make light of whatever the comment was like, “Wouldn’t you like to know!” but make sure you divert the conversation to something else. He’ll get the hint you’re not willing to go there.

Finally, practice confidence in yourself. You’re worthy to be loved in a real way. When you know it, your dates respond to it.

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