How Should I Talk About My Intentions Without Scaring Him Off?

Gina Stewart

Written by: Gina Stewart

Gina Stewart

Gina is the owner of Expert Online Dating. As an online dating consultant, she helps men and women maximize their online dating experiences to get more dates. You can visit her website, www.ExpertOnlineDating.com, for more information or to contact her.

See full bio »

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles and reports have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement.

Discuss This! Discuss This!
Advertiser Disclosure

Reader Question:

I recently started seeing a guy whom I have been friends with for nearly two years prior. I recently got out of a long-term friends with benefits situation, which the guy I am seeing now knows of.

My issue is my new guy and I will do things like normal dating people, but we always end up sleeping together nine out of 10 times. I understand sex is part of dating, but part of me feels like I am headed down the same road as I was on with the FWB.

How should I talk about intentions without scaring him off?

-KayDee (Idaho)

Gina Stewart’s Answer:

Sounds like you’re on the right track. First, in every relationship, it’s important to define what it is you’re looking for long term and then stick with it.

If you don’t want this to wind up being another FWB situation, then you need to make that clear. Seeing as how you and your new beaux have a history as friends, this conversation shouldn’t be a hard one.

Be honest and direct without putting too much emphasis on your previous FWB relationship. Your past doesn’t have to define your future unless you let it.

Talk about where you want to go and that you want him to be a part of it.

That aside, if he does pull the ripcord and bail, then you might have saved yourself from an even greater disappointment down the road.

Remember, sex is a natural part of every relationship, but if it seems to be the most important thing, then it might be time to ask those hard questions.


No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

Advertiser Disclosure

DatingAdvice.com is a free online resource that offers valuable content and comparison services to users. To keep this resource 100% free, we receive compensation from many of the offers listed on the site. Along with key review factors, this compensation may impact how and where products appear across the site (including, for example, the order in which they appear). DatingAdvice.com does not include the entire universe of available offers. Editorial opinions expressed on the site are strictly our own and are not provided, endorsed, or approved by advertisers.

Our Editorial Review Policy

Our site is committed to publishing independent, accurate content guided by strict editorial guidelines. Before articles and reviews are published on our site, they undergo a thorough review process performed by a team of independent editors and subject-matter experts to ensure the content’s accuracy, timeliness, and impartiality. Our editorial team is separate and independent of our site’s advertisers, and the opinions they express on our site are their own. To read more about our team members and their editorial backgrounds, please visit our site’s About page.