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As a woman who has done a lion’s share of online dating, nothing used to upset me more than men not pursuing me like I wanted. I put up flattering, thoughtfully chosen and interesting pictures. I spent hours writing and rewriting about myself in unique and witty ways. I explained what I wanted and didn’t want in my mate in detail. But my effort-to-return ratio was way low.
I got plenty of winks, a good amount of emails and a small portion of good emails, but of the good emails, the men I found compatible to me bottomed out at close to nil. Blah! How frustrating!
Where was the guy I painstakingly described in my profile — the one reading my every detail, finding me pretty and taking the effort to ask me unique questions. Call it expectations or call it rules — I had an invisible path I needed a man to follow in order for me to give him the time of day.
It wasn’t until I started teaching men how to online date and pursue women that I myself learned how to online date men.
Men are stupid. They don’t know what they are doing. Many of the men I was consulting were great guys offline, but when I saw what they thought made a good profile or picture or courting behavior, I would fall out of my chair.
By helping them understand a female’s mentality of online dating, I understood the man’s. I quit putting so many expectations on men. I realized that a man was so much more than his online persona. What mattered was who he was in person.
Relax a little bit. Take a few chances on the men who don’t know what they are doing online or don’t seem like they fit your hardened criteria.
Nothing in either of your online profiles matters when you’ve discovered in-person chemistry. And the only true way to discover in-person chemistry is to put yourself in front of as many people “in person” as you can.
The guy I thought sounded like a cocky braggart was actually a sweetheart. The guy I thought was too old to be a student anymore had just sold a business but thought going back to school sounded fun.
The guy who didn’t know “how to write a self-summary” had a lot to say over a cup of coffee. And suddenly I found I had a lion’s share of choices of whom I wanted to date.
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