We Hang Out a Lot But Haven’t Had Sex. How Do I Ask Him What He Wants?

We Hang Out A Lot But Havent Had Sex How Do I Ask Him What He Wants
Updated:
Dr. Wendy Walsh
Lillian Castro

By: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Editor: Lillian Castro

Our dating experts guide readers step-by-step through relationship challenges and romantic decisions in our popular series of advice articles.

Reader Question:

I have been talking to a co-worker since December 2012. We didn’t have sex and still have not, but we have been hanging out more and more. Now we sleep naked but just cuddle. He recently has been texting more, saying “Wish you were here.”

If he just wanted sex, he would have left a long time ago and we would not still be talking and hanging out.

Why would he ask me to come over when he knows we are just going to cuddle? Is there something I can do rather than just ask what he wants?

-Michelle (California)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Michelle,

Why are you two doing a naked dance around the elephant in the living room?

Bring it up. Tell him what you’d like and ask him what he’s hoping for.

A relationship that has begun with friendship is a great starting point. But it can’t truly be emotionally intimate until you can express your sexual needs, which should include discussions about STDs, contraception and sexual exclusivity.

That elephant needs to be acknowledged and welcomed into your bedroom.


No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

About the Author

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Dr. Wendy Walsh

By: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Women's Dating Expert

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

See Dr. Wendy's full bio »

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