We Hang Out a Lot But Haven’t Had Sex. How Do I Ask Him What He Wants?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh is the author of "The 30-Day Love Detox"" (April 2013).

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles and reports have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement.

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Reader Question:

I have been talking to a co-worker since December 2012. We didn’t have sex and still have not, but we have been hanging out more and more. Now we sleep naked but just cuddle. He recently has been texting more, saying “Wish you were here.”

If he just wanted sex, he would have left a long time ago and we would not still be talking and hanging out.

Why would he ask me to come over when he knows we are just going to cuddle? Is there something I can do rather than just ask what he wants?

-Michelle (California)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Michelle,

Why are you two doing a naked dance around the elephant in the living room?

Bring it up. Tell him what you’d like and ask him what he’s hoping for.

A relationship that has begun with friendship is a great starting point. But it can’t truly be emotionally intimate until you can express your sexual needs, which should include discussions about STDs, contraception and sexual exclusivity.

That elephant needs to be acknowledged and welcomed into your bedroom.


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