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One of the most important dating tips is to spend quality time with yourself, reflecting on your personal requirements for a relationship.
It’s best to write a list of the qualities you ideally would be looking for in Mr. Right. It doesn’t matter how trivial or superficial it may feel — make this list without evaluation or editing. Once completed, it’s important to go back over this list and analyze each item, deciding whether this is a negotiable or a non-negotiable need.
Negotiable needs are things you’d like to have, but if they’re not present, you’d be willing to compromise or sacrifice that need altogether. Non-negotiable needs are those that you absolutely must have or cannot have in a fulfilling relationship.
As a gay Christian, you likely have important religious beliefs and values that guide your daily living and the way you see and interact with the world. You’ll likely have non-negotiable needs that are an extension of these beliefs that you’ll want to share with a future life partner. Using these requirements as a screening checklist will be an essential tool to have in your arsenal.
But what are some other tips you can add to that toolbox to increase your chances of locating that quality partner and developing the kind of relationship you’ve been yearning for? Read on to learn more.
And become the most dateable you that you can be. In addition to getting clear on your personal requirements for a partner and relationship, this also entails making sure your life is in a positive zone. This means having a clear vision for your ideal life, working hard toward those goals, and removing any obstacles to growth.
It also means identifying any self-sabotaging or defeating behavior you may have that could be impeding your development. In addition, you should create an action plan to remedy these sore spots, so you have minimal distractions that can interfere with giving energy to a relationship.
Finally, it also requires having confidence with dating and social skills, so you can navigate through a variety of interpersonal situations with savvy and self-esteem to attract like-minded others. As I always say, “To find Mr. Right, one has to become Mr. Right.” Part of the tasks of being single is to fine-tune this very saying to increase your odds of success.
To reduce the challenges associated with sifting through the entire gay population to find a quality dating prospect — you can make life easier by frequenting venues where other Christian singles go. You may meet a lot of Mr. Wrongs at these venues, but at least they serve as a starting point where you can use your screening skills to seek out the compatibles.
Such venues may include attending a variety of local churches, joining classes held at your church, going to spiritual retreats and conferences, attending Christian singles mixers and dances, or signing up for any number of dating sites for gay Christians.
In your online profile, be specific about the personal requirements you’re looking for to attract the right kind of man. Be creative in the venues you choose, and, if none exist, become a trailblazer and create your own events or clubs and market them to the community through local newspapers or platforms like Meetup.com.
As a group, most Christians have devoted their lives to service. If you’re one of these individuals, then living your life through the acts of service you perform can place you in settings where you can meet other like-minded gay singles. These higher-level dating venues are the best places to meet the most qualified dating prospects because you share similar values and beliefs.
For example, volunteering for a cause or a charity you believe in, participating in church study groups, and becoming an advocate for political groups or LGBT service organizations are but a few ideas to get you started. The key is to tap into your passions and life purpose, and align yourself in those venues where you can contribute meaningful service. You will likely discover other sexy gay singles with the same mindset and shared passion at those venues.
And never succumb to distractions from your personal requirements because you don’t want to be alone. One of the biggest dating traps that many gay single men fall prey to is deviating from their template for an ideal partner by making exceptions to date someone because of his good looks, pressure from others, or personal insecurity.
When we make dating decisions based on hormones, social influence, or insecurity, we’re usually signing up for despair and heartache down the line. This is because our personal requirements are our values, and when we don’t live in alignment with our values, it tends to pick and eat away at us until it eventually spells the demise of the relationship.
So, if one of your personal requirements is to only date another Christian, you must stay true to that non-negotiable need no matter how hot that guy is or how jaded you feel about the chances of ever meeting a decent man with whom to settle down. Save yourself and the other guy unnecessary pain by sticking to your guns about what you’re truly looking for. You don’t want to miss the opportunity of meeting Mr. Right because you’ve impulsively chosen someone not suitable for you.
Gay dating can be very challenging indeed, but when you lead with your true self and live your life to the fullest within your values, you will likely eventually discover yourself surrounded by a tribe of others who share your philosophy of life. They can become a wonderful friendship group and support network, and perhaps a romance could be lingering within that cohort as well