Dating Tips For Lesbian Introverts

Lesbian Dating

7 Dating Tips for Lesbian Introverts (Feb. 2024)

Pamela Gort

Written by: Pamela Gort

Pamela Gort

After two long-term relationships and five years of dating, Pamela Gort, The Lesbian Love Coach, spent years synthesizing the most effective and relevant dating and relationship practices into five easy steps called “Find Her and Keep Her" specifically tailored for lesbians. Using her warm, funny, direct coaching style, Pamela guides single lesbians to fall in love with themselves so they can attract and keep conscious, lasting, and loving relationships.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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The dating world can be a scary place for introverts. Introverts are usually not looking for a quick hookup or to meet someone at the bar. It can be difficult for them to initiate contact with strangers which means that they may have to make many more attempts before finding someone who is willing to talk to them. Some introverts wouldn’t even consider going out alone to meet people. Some introverts may venture out, but it would come with anxiety.

The tips in this article are designed for introverts who want a meaningful relationship but do not know how to find it. Feeling empowered and confident when dating is important so introverts can be themselves without feeling different or embarrassed by their personality type. This article contains some advice on how introverts can navigate through the complex world of dating.It also has suggestions for anyone who knows an introvert and wants some help understanding them better.

First off, you need to know that your introversion is not a weakness. It can also be your strength. Do not feel as if you need to break out of your shell to attract more partners. You may be inclined to believe that the goal of every date is sex. You should know that it does not have to be. A date can be a really nice experience where the two of you are just getting to know each other.

Secondly, it is important that you are not too hard on yourself and do not dwell on the fact that you have not found love yet. You could find love any day now. Your actions will be rewarded, but only if you are willing to walk out the front door and meet someone.

1. Set Yourself Apart Because You Are Unique

As soon as you enter the dating world, you are faced with the task of establishing your own voice to set yourself apart. Without a unique perspective, you will blend into the sea of people.

To start off, be relatable and personal, especially in your online dating profile. For example, establish uniqueness by discussing something that you have done in the past that others have found interesting. There is a lot more to you than meets the eye, and that is why I encourage everyone who wants to meet someone special to take their time and be creative when filling out their profile and talking to potential matches via message, text, phone, or video. You want people to get an idea of what makes you tick. People are much more likely to connect with another person they feel they know. Tell her some things about you that give her a peek into your personality.

Photo of red balloon in group of white balloons

Don’t be afraid to share stories about your passions that make you stand out.

Secondly, find a way to stand out. Try highlighting an aspect of you that is not common knowledge or emphasize a detail that you find most interesting. Are you an archeology assistant who worked on one of the most important digs of the century? Did you give CPR to your grandpa and save his life?

First impressions are important. Standing out is the best way to make a memorable introduction. Highlight an aspect of yourself that is not common knowledge or emphasize something about you, your personality, or interests when you first meet. For instance, if you are meeting someone who loves animals, bring up your love for pets in conversation early on. Then they will know right away how kind-hearted you can be. It will set everything off on the right note.

2. Consider the Type of Introvert You Are: Sociable, Shy, or Somewhere In Between

Introverts are not always shy. Introverts can be interesting people who have a lot to say about the world. Sociable introverts are outgoing in social settings, but they need time to recharge afterward. Shy introverts avoid social situations because they prefer solitude and being alone and quiet. Then there is the ambivert, a mix of both introversion and extroversion — the middle ground for introverted personalities.

Communicate your needs clearly to your date without being demanding or too emotional. Instead of being demanding, try to be kind. You can communicate your needs without being demanding by asking for what you want instead of demanding it. Instead of being too emotional, try to use the right tone when you talk.

3. Know What You Want in a Partner

Knowing what you want in a partner is one of the most important questions to ask yourself when you’re dating. You may be attracted to someone, but if they are not the right partner for you, it will lead to nothing more than heartache.

Take your time and be introspective. Create a list of things you want in a partner. Know your key turnoffs or deal breakers. Once you have got an idea of your needs and wants, it is important to share them with your date.

Do not keep dating a woman who does not want the same thing as you do just to avoid conflict. This will give her the opportunity to make sure that she is the right person for you before getting too deep into a relationship with an incompatible person. You owe it to each other.

4. Accept the Necessity of Dating Apps

We can go out into the world and meet people, but this can be highly intimidating for the extreme introvert. Bars, meet-ups, parties, and other social gatherings can be overwhelming. Ask a friend to go with you so you do not feel totally alone. Ask your friends and family who know you best to introduce you to someone. Organic dating is by far a great option for all of us.

For most introverts, dating apps seem an easier option than initial face-to-face interaction. Dating apps have changed the way we interact with strangers and offer us a new way to find the love of our lives.

Apps such as HER, OkCupid, Lesly, Fem, Lex, eharmony, Bumble, and Plenty of Fish have changed the dating game. These apps have been able to offer more diversity for those looking for a date or a partner and to make it easier for people living in rural areas or places with small populations.

Photo of a woman on her phone

Sometimes online dating takes the pressure off because the first interactions are via messaging.

The internet can be a scary place to meet new people for the first time. We may feel like we have no control over the experience and that it may lead to something bad. With such high stakes, it can be hard to put our trust in someone without knowing their true intentions.

Although we hear about the bad experiences, many wonderful relationships have been birthed from online dating sites. Use common sense and listen to your intuition pinging “warning, warning!” If someone continually rejects your video chat suggestion, asks for money, or has a photo that looks like a model, they are likely not legit. These are red flags.

Use the internet to find like-minded individuals. While it may seem impersonal at first, it can be a great way to meet people with similar interests or values and weed out those who aren’t right for you. After chatting online for a bit, make a move to a few phone or video calls. If she seems legit, ask her out. Meet in a public setting, such as a restaurant or coffeehouse, where you will feel more at ease and have a chance to get to know each other more.

5. Ask a Lot of Questions to Find Out If You Are On the Same Page as Your Date

Many people think that communicating during a date is only through words. But there are many more ways to communicate: body language, vocal cues, and even smells. Find out if both of you are on the same page while conversing with one another by watching her reactions to your comments and opinions and visa versa. For example, if you have vastly different politics, that could become an issue later on.

The first thing any good conversationalist does is to ask questions. Questions can be used in various contexts, but they have a different function during a date than in day-to-day conversations. Questions should be used as a way for each person to find out what the other person thinks or feels about certain topics such as relationships, religion, politics, housing and even vacations.

It is important to be upfront about your past experiences and what you are looking for when dating so you do not waste each other’s time. You do not have to let the fear of rejection stop you from looking for love. The best way to get over that fear is by being honest about what you are looking for in a partner. You deserve to find somebody who will be with you through thick and thin, not somebody who will leave just because they found somebody better or more attractive than you.

6. Make Time to Take Care of Yourself and Enjoy Solo Time

As our lives become busier, finding time to take care of ourselves can be difficult. But it is a necessity, and introverts may need it even more. We need to make time for our own needs as much as we do for the needs of others.

The benefits of taking time out for self-care include improved health and mood, a more productive workday, and increased creativity. Energy-boosting activities, such as going outside, spending time in nature, gardening, and cooking healthy food, have many benefits. Make time for yourself by doing things alone that make you feel good like reading books, hiking, or volunteering at the animal shelter.

Photo of woman washing face

Put a face mask, take a bubble bath, mediate, or do whatever you need to do to decompress from dating.

You cannot spend all your time with a new person trying to do everything. Pace yourself and give yourself the time to reflect on your dates. It is important to give yourself room for reflection. Maintaining some space helps you get a better sense of what the other person is like.

7. Consider Bringing a Friend to a Date If Needed

It is not unusual for people to go on a date with someone they do not really know. In fact, most people will go on a blind date at some point in their life. The idea of that can throw an introvert into a tailspin. Design the date to be around other people such as a double date or a walk on the beach. Make sure you get one-on-one time with your date. Later, your friend can give feedback to help you decide on a second date or not.

If you feel uncomfortable or anxious at any point, there is nothing wrong with bringing a friend. Worst case, if you are at all concerned about the date and you are going alone, tell a friend where you are going and call them after the date. Have a contingency plan. This last tip is precautionary. Hopefully, you have vetted your date with multiple phone and video chats to confirm she is who she says she is.

Dating Can Be Stressful for All of Us, But More So For Introverts

Dating can also be a wonderful adventure. Meeting new women, even if you do not end up in a relationship, can provide a community of friends. These friends may have just the person for you. Get ready, get set, and go out there!

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