I Tried eharmony for 2 Months

Overview

Free swiping grows tiring at a certain point, and that’s when quality-first dating services like eharmony become more appealing. I joined eharmony as a 34-year-old woman seeking serious matches in Orlando, Florida. I used the free membership to window shop for a few weeks, and then I upgraded to the six-month subscription so I could start chatting. The slow trickle of likes became a deluge once I subscribed. I received over a dozen messages — all polite inquiries, nothing crude or off-putting. In my opinion, eharmony does a great job of supporting serious connections and weeding out casual daters.

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I first heard about eharmony a long time ago — anyone else remember the white-haired founder doing commercials in the 2000s? But the eharmony of today isn’t the same as the eHarmony of old. 

Not just the capital H and logo have changed. The experience now is more inclusive and more in tune with what modern daters want — someone who gets them.

eharmony has never been about swiping games or superficial judgments. I applaud its serious approach, even though it hasn’t worked for me personally before. Can this new version do what past iterations couldn’t? Our experts give it an A+ rating, so I’m willing to give it a shot!

Getting Started & Creating My Profile on eharmony

One constant about eharmony: The signup process takes a good chunk of time (about 20 to 30 minutes). eharmony is a serious matchmaker with a thorough personality assessment that isn’t for the faint of heart. 

Don’t let it intimidate you — all that information pays dividends later in the compatibility ratings.

Setting up my profile took me 22 minutes from start to finish, and it comes down to three basic steps. I’ll take you through the signup process, compatibility quiz, and writing prompts that make up an eharmony profile.

Step 1: Signing Up

I’d expect a dating site’s first question to be about my name or my location, maybe my email address or phone number. eharmony goes a different way: “Have you tried online dating before?” 

My options are “I’m new to it,” “I’ve online dated once or twice,” or “I’m an online dating pro.” 

Since 2015, I’ve used eharmony multiple times, so I feel comfortable calling myself a pro.

Next is a question about my intentions. My choices are: “casual,” “serious,” or “not sure, just browsing.” I say I’m browsing.

These first two responses don’t show up on my profile. I assume they influence the match algorithm, tutorials, and ads I see.

Now comes the standard “I am a ____ looking for a ____” question. I put that I’m a woman looking for a man, woman, or nonbinary person. I want to see everybody in the mix.

The website confirmed my identity with an email address. The app required a phone number for text verification. Both asked me to create a password and then verify my personhood.

I gave my name, date of birth, and ZIP code. The website did not verify my location, but the app did. 

After the basics were done, I reached the feature that eharmony is famous for: its psychology-driven questionnaire. That’s when the fun begins.

Step 2: Compatibility Quiz

The once-optional Compatibility Quiz is now mandatory. That means every profile will have a compatibility rating and personality breakdown. eharmony offers a treasure trove of information because psychological profiling is part of the deal.

I had to tackle over 60 multiple-choice questions (which is actually short because it used to be over 100). Skipping questions isn’t allowed. All answers are final and will influence my compatibility rankings. No pressure.

The webpage says it’ll take “a few minutes,” but it was not that quick for me. I couldn’t answer off the cuff to things like “Why are you single?” I went back and forth over what The Right Answer was. It would’ve been faster if I’d been a bit more decisive.

Some questions are more serious (my opinions on climate change), and others are slightly less consequential (do I play an instrument). Here are some examples:

• Where would you most like to live? (City, suburb, quiet town, rural, doesn’t matter because I plan to travel)
• What do you think about going out to expensive restaurants? (I value it no matter the cost, I prefer casual, eating healthy is more important)
• Are you a morning person or a night person? (morning, night owl, it depends on the day)

One section of the questionnaire was all about choosing one image over another. Similar to an inkblot test, this homes in on unconscious biases that indicate more subtle personality traits and preferences.

eharmony said to go with my gut. My gut was confused, but I know eharmony’s psychologists devised these questions for a reason, so I tried not to overthink it.

Next, eharmony asked how I would act or what I would say in specific scenarios like a late-night knock at the door or a friend getting a flashy car I coveted. If you’ve ever taken the Pottermore house sorting or patronus quizzes, it’s similar to that.

I told eharmony that if I slipped on a banana peel, I’d just get up and say “No big deal” because I want the algorithm to tell matches I’m resilient and keep my composure in difficult situations.

At last, I’d finished the Compatibility Quiz, delving the deepest part of my soul to decide what temperature I like the thermostat at. But my profile still wasn’t complete.

Step 3: Adding a Photo & the Finishing Touches

Uploading a photo for my profile is the next step (or I could skip it and be a lurker). There’s an automatic check to make sure my pic shows a clear face and isn’t a stock image. No catfish are allowed to swim in this dating pool.

I uploaded a simple headshot. No sunglasses, no hat, no distracting puppies upstaging me with their cuteness.

I had to answer written prompts that, unlike the Compatibility Quiz answers, would appear on my profile.

eharmony gave a list of 25 prompts and required me to answer at least two of them. I like to be straightforward, so I chose “my best attributes are” and “the most important thing I’m looking for in a person is.” 

In the Introduce Yourself section, I wrote about my desire for a serious relationship and how important my friends and family are to me. I gave a specific example about driving across Florida to attend a baby shower, and I made a joke about my dog not liking hugs as much as I do.

I find the most nerve-wracking part of online dating is deciding what to tell and what to withhold. eharmony didn’t let me hold back that much, but I can understand why this is, since eharmony aims to attract serious daters looking for long-term, meaningful relationships. 

All told, I was required to tell eharmony: 

• My name (first and last, but only my first name appeared on my profile) 
• Date of birth (only age appeared on the profile)
• Gender identity (woman, man, nonbinary) — later you can click the edit button to specify trans, cis, questioning, etc.
• Gender I want to date (woman, man, nonbinary)
• Location (ZIP code)
• Occupation (you can write in anything, so I went with “CEO of Life.”)
• Annual income range (not visible on the profile)
• If I had children or wanted children
• Height
• Marital status
• Education level
• Ethnicity
• Religion (23 options, but not broken into denominations)

None of this info is verified, so I wouldn’t take someone’s stated height or education as gospel. I saw one profile that just said “Music” as his job title. So yeah, big grain of salt on these details.

Other optional information I was not required to add included:

Helpful as ever, eharmony automatically filled in the music, hobbies, and sports I selected in the Compatibility Quiz. I could update and add more if I wanted to, but I felt the profile had enough information to get by. 

I was done with questions and ready to get some matches going.

My Experience With the Free Membership

I started with a free membership. That meant I could view as many profiles as I wanted and really get a feel for who was out there.

As a free member, I could only adjust the search filters based on country (USA) and region (Florida), so the list of profiles I saw was pretty far-reaching, even up to 150 miles away. 

The profiles contained a ton of information, including a “last login date,” so I knew I was looking at active members. I wasn’t able to express interest in anyone though, nor could I see who was interested in me without paying first.

Included in the Free Membership	Not Included in the Free Membership
Unlimited profile browsing	Viewing photos
Compatibility ratings	Sending likes
Limited search filters	Sending and reading messages
Profile editing	Advanced search filters
Favoriting profiles	Seeing who’s liked you

The eharmony platform is easy to get the hang of. It has four tabs: Homepage, Discover, Likes, and Messages. 

As a free member, the likes and messages were paywalls for me, so I spent most of my time in the Discover area looking at profiles and trying to distinguish traits from the blurred photos.

Good news for serious daters: This isn’t a swiping app that demands snap judgments. The Discover section shows dozens of profiles lined up in a grid, and I could view as many as I wanted without having to like or pass on anyone.

All the answers I put in the Compatibility Quiz now come into play as the algorithm calculates compatibility ratings and provides insights into why a person might be a good match for me.

Each profile has a custom compatibility score of up to 140 (I typically saw profiles falling between 90-120) and a deep psychological breakdown.

eharmony doesn’t just say you’re compatible — it explains why you’re compatible.

I’m a big nerd, so I couldn’t wait to dive into the numbers and graphs. I couldn’t see anyone’s photos, but I could see their habits and values.

The charts show my scores and my match’s scores in three main categories:

• How do I organize my life?
• What characterizes me?
• What drives me?

The first guy I clicked on had a positive attitude rating off the charts. He must’ve gone into his quiz in a very good mood.

When I scroll down, I can see even more information about me and this eharmony stranger, including:

• Emotional Life: We both have a high ability to empathize.
• Social Life: We’re both introverted (I’m a little more introverted than he is).
• Lifestyle: Our need for rest outscores our need for activity (Phew!).

Most of the profiles I saw were older — in their 40s and 50s — and I only saw one 20-something (a 29-year-old salesman) after scrolling and scrolling.

The vast majority of profiles on my list were male (I saw a total of three queer women the whole time), so choosing to see everybody seems like it’s pretty much choosing to see men. At least, that’s the experience as a female-identifying profile. 

eharmony only shows matches who expressed interest in dating your gender. In my case, that meant a male-dominated dating pool. 

On the flip side, a bisexual man would see a lot more women than men in his Discover section because there are more straight women than gay men on eharmony (and in society).

Data Breakdown

User Base: All Singles

eharmony is designed for serious relationship-minded singles who are over the age of 18 and want to date someone exclusively.

Popularity (Visits/Mo): 4.1 Million

eharmony has over 10 million active users and over 750,000 paid subscribers, making it one of the most popular dating sites around.

Gender Ratio: M:48% – F:52%

Dating sites sometimes have uneven gender ratios, but that isn’t the case for eharmony, which sees a relatively equal number of male and female signups.

I got a good sense of user diversity by playing with the filters in Member Preferences. As a free member, I can adjust filters for:

Paying members can filter based on:

My usual online dating strategy is to keep filters broad, but I was curious to see how certain dealbreakers would hold up in the eharmony dating pool (at least in my hometown in Central Florida).

What if I wanted to date a single dad in his 30s, and I wanted him to be over six feet tall? My options were between 60 and 150 miles away. When I adjusted to include men in their 40s of any height, a lot more local profiles came up.

The filters are more like guidelines; they won’t stop someone who is a close enough fit. If I scrolled enough, the filters would loosen to show people who met some but not all of my criteria.

My observation on user diversity: I saw a lot of white Christian men. Setting ethnicity filters to find Black or Asian profiles meant matches were suddenly 50 or even 100+ miles away.

In terms of occupation, I saw a lot of white-collar professionals, as well as a sprinkling of entrepreneurs, self-employed guys, and semi-retired gents. I’d say it’s a good mix, but tends toward higher earners who can afford an eharmony subscription.

What I Like So Far

• I like that eharmony doesn’t do swiping. I’m not limited to viewing one profile and put on the spot to like it or reject it.
• I like that I can see the last login date and ensure I’m not falling for an inactive profile.
• I like that my inbox isn’t immediately pinging with “sup girl” chats (though I am getting 4+ marketing emails a day).
• I like the quality of mature single men and all the information I can see about them.
• I like the data-driven get-to-know-people vibes.

What I Don’t Like So Far

• I don’t like that the free profile is so limiting, not even letting me see what these guys look like.
• I don’t like that free members can’t adjust location filters by distance (paid members can).
• I don’t like that I can’t see who is a premium vs. a free member and know if it’s worth upgrading to talk to a particular person.

A Closer Look at the eharmony Profile

eharmony profiles are detailed. Many guys are even filling in the optional sections! That tells me a lot of eharmony members are serious about putting themselves out there, doing the work, and meeting a compatible person.

All that information can really go a long way toward breaking the ice and identifying potential commonalities.

For example, I learned so much on a quick once-over of the profile of a commercial pilot. He says he wants to lose a few pounds but in the meantime can offer “a cute face and a warm smile.” 

He selected 13 character traits, 11 sports, 19 music genres, and 14 cuisines among his favorites. Plus six hobbies and seven types of traveling he enjoys. 

In case I wanted to know more about his personality, eharmony had it covered.

He’s a non-smoker, wants kids, and identifies as somewhat conservative. He’s spiritual but not religious. I’m telling you: I learned A LOT about this guy in a relatively short time.

The information dump on eharmony is refreshing in comparison to the bare-bones profiles on swiping apps, but it can also be a bit much. 

I could spot yellow flags, turn-offs, or dealbreakers somewhere in just about every profile. I worried that all that detail and data could only give the illusion of knowing someone. A simple conversation could tell me much more, but of course, I couldn’t chat without paying. So I did.

Paying for eharmony Unlocks a Ton of Features

A free membership is good for getting a feel for eharmony, and I’d seen enough promising profiles (even without photos) to convince me I’d have some worthwhile chats. If I wanted to make a real connection, I’d need to upgrade to a premium membership.

Here’s the cost breakdown I saw (without offered discounts) for a six-month membership:

• Premium Light 6-month plan: $41.90 per month (message 15 matches a month)
• Premium Plus 12-month plan: $46.11 per month (message 30 matches a month)
• Premium Extra 24-month plan: $47.90 per month (unlimited messaging to all matches)

These prices are more than double what you’d pay for Tinder Plus, but it’s a small fraction of what a professional matchmaker would charge. So it seems about right.

Important to note: These prices might be higher or lower for you. eharmony prices can differ based on location, income, and time of the year.

If I signed up within my first month of membership, I was offered significantly lower rates for one month only:

• Light: $20.95 for the first month (messaging 15 matches a month)
• Plus: $20.06 for the first month (messaging 30 matches a month)
• Extra: $23.95 for the first month (unlimited messaging to all matches)

But after the discounted first month, I’d be locked into five months, 11 months, or 23 months of higher prices.

eharmony’s minimum time commitment is unusually lengthy for online dating. There is no one-month subscription option. There isn’t a three-month plan either. It’s six months or longer.

This reflects the eharmony approach to love — make an investment, be serious, and commit.

I went for the six-month plan. And toggled auto-renewal to off.

After I upgraded, the first thing I did was check out my messages. I was dying to know what people had sent my way in the weeks I’d spent as a free member.

I Could Now See My Messages — Here’s What They Said

I got likes and messages from pilots, engineers, and business owners ranging in age from 30 to 56.

Of the 15 messages in my inbox, only three mentioned something specific about my profile. Six were general greetings of the “good morning” and “hope you had a great weekend” variety. 

I got two compliments on my “great smile” and one invite for coffee from a 53-year-old artist 30 miles away. One IT Manager wrote four paragraphs (!!) about how much we had in common.

There was one cringe “Hi, I’m bad at this lol never know what to say” message. But nothing more ick-inducing than that.

One guy made me smile by referencing my CEO of Life joke: 

“So how’d you get so good at life? I’m still getting there.” 

I like someone who can bring a little playful banter to the chat. And he asked a question, which seems basic, but not everybody remembers to do.

Big plus: No messages were sexual or inappropriate, so that puts eharmony a step above Tinder in my book for long-term relationships.

eharmony lets users like specific parts of a profile as a way of breaking the ice, so a few people sent a thumbs up that way. An engineer liked that I’d had “reading” as an interest. An animal keeper liked where I said I was a dog person.

My takeaway: The quality of matches was decent, and I definitely noticed the people in my messages tended to be white-collar professionals who could afford the subscription. 

Unfortunately, the one guy I would’ve actually wanted to get to know and go on a date with was 150 miles away. Go figure.

My Customer Service Hiccup

I wanted to see how easy it was to get eharmony’s help answering a simple question: What will happen if I delete my photo? Will my profile be invisible or invalid?

The Help button on my profile took me to the Help Center page, where I could search for answers to common questions.

My search generated four pages of results that had a lot of fun facts about photos, but nothing that answered my specific query. 

So I clicked “Contact eharmony.” This took me to a page where I inexplicably had to click “contact eharmony Customer Care.”

This took me to a page advising me to click a “Contact Customer Care” button. Which is what I’d thought I’d been doing the whole time, but I was caught in a loop of FAQs. 

I guess third time’s the charm because that button took me to the form where I could ask a question and submit it to eharmony.

I got an immediate form response in my email. This is the gist of it:

We acknowledge the receipt of your message. Responses to most requests can take up to 24 hours, but are traditionally answered sooner. Sensitive topics may take longer as we investigate the matter, prior to response.

And 15 minutes later, I got an alarming follow-up email reading “I’m sorry to hear that you wish to leave eharmony.” Then it detailed what would happen after my account was deleted. I suppose the mix-up came from the word “delete” in my question.

I hastily responded to say 1) please don’t delete my profile! And 2) my original question was what happens if I delete my photo?

Two and a half hours later, another email came. Unlike the other two, which were signed Customer Care Team, this one’s signature said Mindy R., so I think this was my first interaction with a real person (or a better AI).

We are sorry about the miscommunication caused in the previous email  and will provide you with the correct information regarding your profile. 

As it turns out, my profile will be visible if I delete my photo, but they’d advise against it because profiles with photos get more views and likes.

It wasn’t super easy to get a straight answer from a person (or even a chatbot) on eharmony, but they did respond within a couple of hours, so that was good to see.

Pros & Cons

eharmony has a lot going for it. Since 2000, the team has been dedicated to quality-first matchmaking, and its algorithm has only gotten more sophisticated with time.

But that’s not to say it’s perfect. I ran into a couple snafus in my eharmony journey.

eharmony caters to serious people looking for a serious relationship. Commitment is the name of the game. If you want casual dating or free chatting, eharmony isn’t for you.

Personally, I think a values-driven experience sure beats swiping blindly. Just know that the free experience will only take you so far.

My Final Thoughts

In my 20s, joining eharmony felt almost like putting on an oversized coat and stilt shoes and trying to masquerade as an adult. So many matches were older, established, and sure of themselves. I never clicked with such a serious crowd.

But now, solidly in my 30s — almost 35 — I felt like I belonged in this love-serious and mature grouping of singles.

eharmony offers relief from swipe burnout because you’re not making split-second decisions on profiles. You have tons of insights and information to guide your choices about who to like and message. And you have the assurance that anyone contacting you is truly invested because they paid to be there.

All in all, it’s not perfect, but I would recommend eharmony to folks who are willing to take the time, put in the effort, and pay for the subscription to find a values-driven partner.