Should You Send an Online Dating Follow-Up Email?

It takes a lot of courage to make a move and send the first message to someone you like on a dating site. That’s why it can sting if you don’t hear anything back. Don’t lose hope, though, because it doesn’t mean your chance with that person is totally gone.

Today, we’re going to talk about what to do if you didn’t get a response (you can read what to say in your first message here). Should you send another message? We definitely say yes, and there are a couple of things to keep in mind when you do.

You don’t really want to bring up a new subject in your follow-up because you want it to be brief. For example, if in your first email you ask her who her favorite Beatle is (because you saw the band mentioned in her profile), and you told her yours is George Harrison, your second email could go something like:

Haha, I get it — you must not be a big “Taxman” fan. You seem like more of a John Lennon person anyways. How could you not love “Strawberry Fields Forever,” right? Anywho, just thought I’d follow up to see if you’d be interested in grabbing a coffee sometime. Let me know if you do!

You want to keep your tone friendly and casual, not butt-hurt because you didn’t get a response on the first try. No one is obligated to reply to you, and ghosting happens for a number of different reasons, some of which have nothing to do with you. Your crush might’ve just plain forgotten to reply, and so he or she might actually appreciate a friendly reminder.

The next day just seems too soon to send a follow-up message — it could come off as irritated or desperate, and that’s not a good look for anyone. However, two days or so feels right. You’ve given your crush enough time in case they missed your message for a genuine reason (e.g., they didn’t log in that day, they didn’t get to your message in their list yet, or they had an emergency).

However, don’t wait too long (e.g, a week) because you’ll risk getting lost in the shuffle even more. If you’re messaging a woman, that’s even more likely to happen because she could be getting 40+ messages a day. Don’t let yourself fall through the cracks and be just another forgotten conversation — follow up within a few days to see if you can get that person’s attention and nab a date.

If your follow-up email doesn’t get a response, it’s time to move on. You’ve done all you can, and at least you weren’t a jerk about it. I’m sure there are a couple of people you’ve received messages from that you outright ignored or didn’t really want to reply to. It just happens. The good news is, almost 50 million people have tried online dating, so you’ll never run out of people you can message. Keep your chin up!