I Don’t Know If She Likes Me Back. Is She Just Using Me?

Mary Gorham Malia
Mary Gorham Malia Updated:
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Reader Question:

There’s this woman I’ve been seeing the past few weeks whom I like, but I don’t know if she likes me back. I’ve told her I like her and she shows all the signs: stares at me, touches me when she talks, etc.

She says she wants a relationship and doesn’t want to date. On top of that, we’ve had sex four times and every time it gets more emotional.

How do I know if she likes me or is just using me?

-Cassie (California)

Mary Gorham Malia’s Answer:

Hi Cassie,

So is there a future here besides just friends with benefits?

There’s only one way forward, and that is to engage her in a conversation and be willing to hear the truth. Often we already know the truth in situations like this. Our intuition knows but our brain is ignoring it.

Is she just using you? I don’t know. If you keep having sex and put off facing your feelings, you increase the level of hurt that is possible.

You’re also going to end up feeling used anyway until you tell her how you feel and get her response.

Are you taking a chance? Hell yeah! All of life is a risk. Love is a risk. It could end your connection if she pulls back because she doesn’t feel the same way. That is the chance you take.

Weigh keeping things the same against continuing to feel used. She might finally admit she likes you enough to move toward a different kind of relationship than being a friend with benefits.


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