I Don’t Know If She Likes Me Back. Is She Just Using Me?

Mary Gorham Malia

Written by: Mary Gorham Malia

Mary Gorham Malia

Mary G. Malia, founder of Gay Girl Dating Coach, is a certified singles coach, strategic intervention coach and author of the book "The Gay Girl’s Guide to Avoid the 14 Dating Traps." She’s known as the leading resource and expert for lesbians who want to move past the barriers to finding love and lasting relationships.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

There’s this woman I’ve been seeing the past few weeks whom I like, but I don’t know if she likes me back. I’ve told her I like her and she shows all the signs: stares at me, touches me when she talks, etc.

She says she wants a relationship and doesn’t want to date. On top of that, we’ve had sex four times and every time it gets more emotional.

How do I know if she likes me or is just using me?

-Cassie (California)

Mary Gorham Malia’s Answer:

Hi Cassie,

So is there a future here besides just friends with benefits?

There’s only one way forward, and that is to engage her in a conversation and be willing to hear the truth. Often we already know the truth in situations like this. Our intuition knows but our brain is ignoring it.

Is she just using you? I don’t know. If you keep having sex and put off facing your feelings, you increase the level of hurt that is possible.

You’re also going to end up feeling used anyway until you tell her how you feel and get her response.

Are you taking a chance? Hell yeah! All of life is a risk. Love is a risk. It could end your connection if she pulls back because she doesn’t feel the same way. That is the chance you take.

Weigh keeping things the same against continuing to feel used. She might finally admit she likes you enough to move toward a different kind of relationship than being a friend with benefits.

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