Are You Accepting Crumbs In Your Relationship

Lesbian Dating

Are You Accepting Crumbs in Your Relationship?

Mary Gorham Malia

Written by: Mary Gorham Malia

Mary Gorham Malia

Mary G. Malia, founder of Gay Girl Dating Coach, is a certified singles coach, strategic intervention coach and author of the book "The Gay Girl’s Guide to Avoid the 14 Dating Traps." She’s known as the leading resource and expert for lesbians who want to move past the barriers to finding love and lasting relationships.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Being a lesbian doesn’t mean you should accept less than the best in a relationship. That’s not the world we live in anymore.

It used to be lesbians didn’t live their lives openly, and when a queer woman showed up in your life, you took her for better or worse.

Well, straight society has sworn off on that promise and so should you.

Not only is living with the crumbs of love demoralizing and lonely, but it means you’re living in a way that is far less than happy, full and good.

What do crumbs look like?

Crumbs are the girlfriend who is always chasing other women but keeps you on the hook. You wait for her, hoping for the day she’ll change. That’s barely a crumb, and no one changes for anyone else.

I’ve been there and hung on hoping my lover would change for me. It didn’t happen.

Promises screamed from the rooftops have nothing on a woman taking action, showing up and keeping promises.

Crumbs are the woman who promises to call and make plans with you, but she is always canceling out. You’re still hanging on because she at least got in touch to tell you she was canceling out on you – again and again and again.

Your weekends become merry-go-rounds of pity parties, stomachaches and numbing yourself out with food, drinking, drugging and getting lost in TV.

You’re not living. You’re wasting your magnificent self for someone’s crumbs.

Crumbs are the woman who rebounds with you from a breakup and then you discover she’s still talking, texting and seeing her ex.

Then she announces she’s still in love with her ex but she loves you too but she’s got to go back to her ex. CRUMB!

That doesn’t even qualify for being multiple crumbs.

“It’s time to get the crumbs out

of your bed and out of your head.”

Is your name Gretel?

Are you dating a butch girl named Hansel? No, I didn’t think so.

Living with crumbs of attention and affection keeps you small.

You get stuck in not being able to need anything from this crumbly lesbian because she’s always focused somewhere else but promising to be with you. That promise is full of crumbs.

Crumbs are not what love looks like.

Love shows up. Love has time for you. Love cares about how you feel and what you need. Love focuses on you.

Love isn’t crumbly or unavailable. Love is sure and keeps trying and wants the best for you. Love doesn’t string you along while it sleeps with another woman. Love wants to share life with you.

It’s time to get the crumbs out of your bed and out of your head so you can make room for love, the kind of love that wants you all of the time.

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