I’m Pretending I’m Straight. How Do I Meet Men?

Brian Rzepczynski
Brian Rzepczynski Updated:
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Reader Question:

How do I meet men on dating sites, but I’m pretending to be straight?

-Daniel (Tennesse)

Brian Rzepczynski’s Answer:

Hi Daniel!

I think it will be important for you to examine your motives when it comes to your online dating pursuits.

If you are posing as a straight man believing that will attract more respondents to your ad, you will potentially draw men seeking sex with the allure of sleeping with a perceived heterosexual male.

However, if your true vision is to seek a dating partner for the potential of building a relationship, this approach will likely backfire because those men seeking an LTR will view you as unavailable and move on to someone with more compatible values and lifestyles.

If you’re pretending to be straight because of challenges you might be having coming to terms with this part of your identity and sexuality, it might be important to de-emphasize dating for a while while you take some time to work through issues of self-acceptance and gaining clarity into who you are and what you want for your life.

This is a journey we all take when establishing our true selves as gay men, and it can be very empowering once we work through the various stages of the coming-out process to ourselves.

I wish you much success on your quest!

Dr. Brian

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