The Go-To Educational Resource Created By The Ethical Non-Monogamy Community

The Short Version: If you’re new to the ethical non-monogamy community or simply want to learn more about it, Nonmono is a go-to educational resource. László Ágoston, Nonmono’s founder and ENM community member, dispelled misconceptions, opened up about his personal experiences, and shared important lessons. 

Too often, non-monogamy lurks in society’s shadows. But in bars, clubs, hotels, and homes in your own city, adventurous couples are exploring ethical non-monogamy in their own relationships. Ethical non-monogamy is a promise as much as a philosophy: Non-monogamous relationships can be fulfilling and intimate when everyone is safe, consenting, and responsible. 

Nonmono is quickly becoming a go-to educational guide for people in the ethical non-monogamy (ENM) community. Its founder, László Ágoston, is at a point in his polyamorous journey where he wants to spread as much information as possible about the lifestyle. “We are advocating for a philosophy that focuses on loving each other — not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually — without unnecessary constraints,” László wrote on Nonmono. 

It’s about time we take ethical non-monogamy out of the shadows and into the spotlight. Nonmono opens the door to meaningful, revelatory conversations about sex, love, and intimacy. 

By squashing misconceptions and highlighting the truth, László is normalizing ENM for a new generation of lovers. 

László was drawn to ENM the way most people are: by curiosity. “It started with a huge epiphany back in 2015 at Budapest Pride,” he told us. When a friend pointed out how some people might identify as polyamorous, László’s interest piqued. There was only one problem: He didn’t know what polyamory meant. 

So, he took to the internet for answers. Meanwhile, he knew deep down that the word “polyamorous” would change his life. “I just felt that that moment would have a certain impact on my life,” he explained. 

His quest for self-discovery mirrored that of countless others. When László realized his romantic feelings for multiple people fell under the ENM umbrella, he finally felt seen. 

“It means that there isn’t a problem with me, or how I feel and think about the world,” he explained. 

Nonmono is László’s guide to living the ENM lifestyle. The guide incorporates his personal experiences and lessons, as well as educational resources for those who want a well-rounded look at polyamory. You can even take a quiz to gauge whether ENM is right for you. “There are other people out there who feel the same way [as you],” he reassured us.

Nonmono isn’t in the business of converting people to the lifestyle. László made it very clear that “there are people who are prone to be monogamous and there are people who are not.” There isn’t a moral difference between one or the other. “It’s not a problem of character whether you want to connect with more than one person or prefer to be with just one,” he asserted. 

László and the dedicated people behind Nonmono know non-monogamy isn’t exactly traditional in the Western world. We all come to it with different preconceived notions, even if we don’t mean to. László had to work through his own emotional roadblocks when he first explored the lifestyle. 

He referenced a quote from actor Johnny Depp: “I was told since my childhood that if you love someone and you fall in love with somebody else, it means that the first love couldn’t be true.” Many of us look at love through a similarly restrictive lens. You can’t possibly be in love with two people at the same time… can you? 

Nonmono was built on the idea that love isn’t — and shouldn’t be — finite. Why deny love when we all need it to survive? “This is why Nonmono’s motto is ‘Let’s Liberate Love’,” László explained. Under ethical non-monogamy, you can have as many loving, fulfilling relationships as your heart desires. 

Still, it took time and practice for László to unlearn those restrictive assumptions about love and monogamy.

If you’re new to ethical non-monogamy, or simply want to learn more about it, you may have to unlearn monogamous behaviors and social norms, as László did. 

“We’ve been learning about our relationship to others from our family ever since we were babies,” he said. “And as we grow, we are always learning how to relate to other people … But for some reason, we believe that when we have experienced a few romantic relationships with other people, we know everything about it.” 

If you dream of a happy monogamous relationship, then this is probably where your romantic journey ends. 

But if you, like László, feel called to express your love with more than one person, then your journey may not be over. As László said, “It’s another step to learn how to connect to multiple people at the same time.” Most of us are born into a world where monogamy is assumed, so it takes time to learn ethical non-monogamy. 

It also takes time to unlearn damaging misconceptions about ENM. No, people don’t use polyamory as an excuse to cheat on their spouses. It also isn’t all about sex; in fact, the word “polyamory” literally means “multiple loves,” not “multiple sex partners.” By definition, polyamory isn’t about secretive one night stands. It’s about having multiple romantic, loving relationships.

And ethical non-monogamy, also by definition, can only happen when everyone consents to the arrangement. People in the ENM community really do, and should, take the “ethical” part seriously.

Nonmono is László’s effort to reach out to anyone who is struggling with their desires for ENM. “I think it’s natural [to love],” László said. “It just happens.” 

There’s another misconception that people who practice ethical non-monogamy want to “convert” people to the lifestyle. “I won’t say we should try to convince everybody [to be non-monogamous] in the same monolithic way as we did monogamy,” he said.

“People mistakenly believe that when we talk about ethical non-monogamy, we’re advocating for promiscuous, lecherous, and lascivious behavior.”

The ethical part of ENM makes consent a mandatory element of the lifestyle. And while some people associate non-monogamy with words like “loose”, “careless”, and “wild”, László made it clear that these are stereotypes. 

“‘Liberating love’ doesn’t mean we should degrade [anything] or make everything acceptable,” he said. Someone who is dedicated to the ENM lifestyle would never push ethical boundaries. 

On Nonmono, László wrote how “People mistakenly believe that when we talk about ethical non-monogamy, we’re advocating for promiscuous, lecherous, and lascivious behavior.” Instead, anyone who participates in ENM relationships has to make their boundaries and dealbreakers known from the very beginning. 

Nonmono is for curious and seasoned participants in ENM alike, and László emphasized how it’s especially helpful to those who simply want to learn more about ethical non-monogamy. 

Most people who practice ENM can’t just ask their parents or friends for romantic advice, because chances are, they haven’t been in your unique situation. When this happens, Nonmono is your guide book to ethical non-monogamy. “You have to prepare by reading and doing online courses and talking to people,” László said. 

It’s a learning process, and as László told us, “In every learning process, you will make mistakes.” Everyone makes mistakes in their relationships, whether they’re monogamous or non-monogamous. Have compassion for your mistakes and for your partner’s. Chances are, they’re still learning the ropes to an ENM relationship, too. 

“You have to understand that we are humans,” László pointed out. “We will always make mistakes, and we will always hurt each other.” Since you’re opening yourself up to love from multiple people, you’re dealing with real, human emotions. Sometimes, feelings get hurt and jealousy arises even if you do your best to be ethical and responsible. 

With Nonmono, László tries to prepare newbies to the realities of ENM. “There’s a very thin line between having a real, ethical, and consensual relationship, and exploiting other people, even without wanting to exploit other people,” he said.

He used three-person relationships, or throuples, as an example. “The original [two person] relationship usually has a huge privilege,” he pointed out. “How will you sit down to a table with a third person? Who will face each other? Who will sit in each place?” These low stakes questions point to a greater message: The more people in the mix, the more likely feelings will get hurt, even if unintentionally. 

László hopes Nonmono becomes a go-to educational resource as well as a reassuring one. “Being polyamorous and loving more than one person is as old as humankind,” he pointed out. Isn’t it about time we have an official guide to ENM, written by someone with actual experience? 

“What I would like to do with Nonmono is gather as many people with knowledge and experience to share their experiences with each other and to create community,” László told us. “I’m not saying polyamory is the future, but it must have a place.” 

When you can push past the social norms, you’ll find that ethical non-monogamy is a great way to, as László said, “Stuff as much love, passion, and compassion as we can into [our lifetimes].”