The Holistic Matchmaking Approach Touting an Impressive Success Rate

The Short Version: Matchmaking simplifies many aspects of dating, but it’s not a magic fix for your dating problems. We talked to matchmaker Trea Tijmens about her holistic approach and why the matchmaking process goes best when it has coaching to back it up.

When you create a profile on a dating app, you have to answer a lot of questions. And some of them get personal. The last time I was on Hinge, the app let you include all sorts of personal details on your profile, from your age and height to your Zodiac sign and what kind of pet you have.

Often, answering these questions– and then sharing them publicly– can bring up some feelings. It’s always a little disorienting to have to think about whether I want children when I’m just trying to update my Hinge profile.

And even more so when I have to decide whether I want to share my answer with randos on a dating app.

These questions may feel a bit existential to be part of an app signup, but they’re there for a reason. Apps use the details on your profile to suggest profiles and filter your matches, and they also give other users a chance to see all the important information about you in one place.

When you meet with a matchmaker, they shouldn’t just be quizzing you on your dating app profile basics. The basics are definitely important, but a great matchmaker is going to learn the things about you that matter for long-term, serious relationships. 

They’re going to take the time to get to know you, your story, and what you’ve been looking for in love and what it is you need to be successful.

Trea Tijmens is a dating coach and the founder and executive matchmaker at SuccessMatch, an international matchmaking and dating coaching practice based in Switzerland. 

She talked to us about her holistic approach and staggering success rate, plus she explained why choosing the right matchmaker is one of the most important decisions of the matchmaking process.

When Trea first became a matchmaker, she found the traditional methods weren’t yielding the results she wanted for her clients. She started taking a holistic approach by combining matchmaking with coaching and other supportive resources.

As a result, she found that her clients weren’t just having better dates and more second dates. They were also authentically enjoying the process.

“I work in what I would call a holistic way,” Trea said. “My methodology is based on three things: being the right partner, finding the right partner, and choosing the right partner.”

Before Trea was a matchmaker, she was headhunting. “I always worked with highly educated, smart, interesting, successful, and very international people,” she said. “When I would interview them, I realized that, while they were successful in their lives, they weren’t in one important area.”

As Trea networked with hundreds of executives, she noticed that many of them didn’t have the romantic connections in their lives they wanted. After seeing this need, she investigated the matchmaking market.

“Over 20 years ago, I looked to see what types of services there were for these kinds of people, and I found there wasn’t really a good offer for my specific target group,” Trea said. “I wanted to help people succeed in their personal lives and find a really great partner.”

Trea saw how her headhunting skills aligned with those of a matchmaker and decided to make the shift. She founded SuccessMatch but still had a few things to do before launching. She met with target groups to ask questions about what they would want from their perfect matchmaker.

She told us that nearly every member of the target groups agreed on one thing: They wanted somebody who would find great people and organize great dates.

“They’re so busy with work and work all the time,” Trea said. “20 years ago, I thought that approach made a lot of sense. So, for many years, I took this traditional matchmaking approach.”

This simple approach to matchmaking might work for some. Trea coordinated thousands of dates using this method. But Trea noticed her success rate wasn’t nearly as high as she wanted it to be. She wanted to bring her clients a service that had the results serious daters are looking for– committed relationships.

“Now, I work in a very different way, and our success rates are at 85%,” Trea said. “For all the clients, we start with you. You hold the key to everything in your life. We, the matchmakers, can’t do everything by ourselves. You have to work with us.” 

Trea’s holistic matchmaking approach brings aspects of dating coaching into the matchmaking process. She said she’s helping people explore and pursue their desires for a relationship, whether they’re in the matchmaking or dating coaching program.

Trea told us it’s important to consider if you’re ready for matchmaking and committed to following the process through. It doesn’t come with any promises and, like any kind of dating, can have its ups and downs.

“If you really want to make structural or profound changes and actually implement different behavior, that takes some time,” Trea said. “So the minimum amount people can work with me for coaching is four months, but the yearlong program is the most successful.”

Matchmaking and coaching are a commitment of time and money. SuccessMatch makes them transformative experiences that are worth every cent. 

“Now, it’s a really transformative process. You learn a lot about yourself. We talk about patterns in your relationships that aren’t conducive to you succeeding, and how we need to break from these,” Trea said.

Trea explores past relationships with her clients, the good, the bad, and the ugly. For matchmaking or coaching to be effective, you need to trust them enough to open up to them about personal details and experiences. These details go deeper than the ones the dating apps ask you to divulge, too.

“We look at emotional baggage,” Trea said. “People have things they need to let go of so they can be fully present in the now and move forward. One of the biggest problems I see is people want to find love and have a partner, but deep down, they have these beliefs that are limiting them.”

Whether that belief is that you aren’t enough or that love isn’t out there for you, Trea said these beliefs don’t have truth. And they have to be acknowledged and replaced for you to embrace the love that’s waiting for you.

“I help my clients identify those blind spots and those limiting beliefs,” Trea said. “We need to identify them and then instill new beliefs that are positive, supportive, and empowering. We need beliefs that support their goal of finding a partner.”

These are the kinds of topics Trea explores with matchmaking clients. The answers to these questions will inform and guide her as she makes introductions, accompanies you through the dating process, and gets feedback from you and your dates.

If you’ve been considering matchmaking, Trea said choosing the right matchmaker is going to be one of the most significant decisions in your process. You should choose a matchmaker who works with your demographic, and Trea said you shouldn’t be afraid to shop around.

“Depending on who you are, there are matchmakers that cover different niche groups, so you need to find somebody that you think has experience with singles like you,” Trea said. “Then it’s very much a matter of getting a personal feel for, and a connection with, a matchmaker because you need to know who you’re working with.”

A matchmaker should have your best interests at heart and want you to succeed. If you’re concerned about the size of a matchmaker’s database, Trea said you don’t need to stress too hard in this department.

“I always say, don’t worry too much about the database,” Trea said. “Because the level of matchmaking that I do usually involves a search. So we look at people we already know and have interviewed, but often our clients are unique, so we need people who are equally unique. We have to look out of the database anyway.”

You should also look for a matchmaker who emphasizes that matchmaking is a process. No matchmaker has the ability to immediately find you a perfect partner. Instead, you work with a matchmaker to create and achieve a dating strategy that feels right, and then have dates to show for it.

While you and your matchmaker should jive from the start, they’ll need some time to learn everything they need to know about what you’re looking for in a partner. (Matchmakers can’t foresee every aspect of chemistry.)

“I always say that you can’t see chemistry from a photo because chemistry draws on seeing, hearing, smelling, touching, tasting,” Trea said. “Everything is involved.” 

Trea learns more about her clients as they go on dates, and they learn more about themselves, too. “I’ve had experiences where clients say they have a certain type,” Trea said. “But when I send them on a date with a different type, they tell me they’re so happy I encouraged them to do so. Sometimes, people are perfect on paper, and they aren’t in real life.”

For Trea, the best part of matchmaking is getting to know her clients. Everyone is different, and that becomes especially apparent when it comes to romance.

“Each client is unique,” Trea said. “What some people need more of, other people need less of. And that, for me, is the exciting thing about my work. It’s getting to know my clients, getting a good understanding of who they are, how they feel, and how they function.”