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|Sam Stieler • 6/15/15|
Is that woman you just met a keeper? Is she girlfriend material? Is she the kind of girl you might want to actually marry one day? Or is she simply the sort of girl you’d like to date casually but never engage with on a deeper level?
Answering these questions can be tough for a man, especially considering the onslaught of often conflicting emotions you will feel when you first meet and begin to date a woman you find incredibly attractive. And given the sheer unpredictability of your feelings, it’s better to create a system for determining a woman’s potential value in your life, rather than relying on whatever direction your heart pulls you at any given moment.
At the core of this system will lie a clear list of what you really want in a partner.
There’s nothing mechanical, insincere or cold-hearted about taking an afternoon to sit down and write out a list of what qualities you know you’re looking for in a potential partner. Instead, writing out a list is the best possible way to stay true to your heart’s deepest desires, free from the distractions of temporary infatuation.
Your list should be as clear and as simple as possible. It should also be as honest as possible. If you really just want to seriously date or marry a woman who wants to stay at home with the kids and make you dinner every night, then put that down — regardless of whether some people may consider your desire outdated or even personally offensive.
If you find yourself physically attracted to short, curvy women, then put that on your list as well, even if other men are fighting tooth-and-nail for those modelesque waifs society says we should all go gaga over.
Once you write down absolutely everything you’re looking for in a woman, you will probably end up with far more qualities and characteristics than any single woman could ever live up to, so the next step involves narrowing down your list to the top 10 qualities you want in a serious life partner. Once again, don’t censor yourself. If looks are more important to you than Ph.D candidacy, then be honest with what you want, without judgment.
“Instead of hurting yourself and the women
you meet with your lack of clarity, figure out
what you’re really looking for in a woman.”
After you’ve written out everything you want in a woman, after you’ve narrowed your dream characteristics down to the top 10 qualities you need in a partner, all you have to do is consult your list whenever you meet a promising new woman.
If she matches eight out of 10 of the items on your list, then you should consider her a potential candidate for a serious relationship. If she doesn’t match the items on your list, but you still find her attractive, then feel free to date her casually. Bon’t distract yourself with dreams of this relationship developing into something more than fun, short-term companionship.
It’s normal to experience a knee-jerk negative reaction to the idea of managing your dating life from a numbered list. It’s natural to worry you’re being unfair when you disqualify an otherwise great woman just because she doesn’t match the qualities you believe you’re looking for.
But these immediate reactions miss the point. It’s extremely unfair to make a woman think you’re taking her seriously when you know, in your heart of hearts, she isn’t what you’re looking for. It’s downright disrespectful to waste a woman’s time because you are uncertain about what you really want from her.
Instead of hurting yourself and the women you meet with your lack of clarity, figure out what you’re really looking for in a woman and have the courage to stick to it.