We all went through it in high school and junior high. While we were hopelessly crushing on the head cheerleader, there was always some not-so-blossomed young girl in glasses and braces waiting to say “hi” to us as we were leaving social studies.
We didn’t really know what it was about our scrawny bones that infatuated her so much and caused her to stalk us with her wide-eyed beaming smile and dedicated attention. Of course, we were too stupid to see her inner sweetness and the great potential of her beauty, so little ever came of it — except perhaps regret when we saw her at our 10-year reunion.
Still, it was hard to take her feelings seriously when she was just “there” for us, no chase required. And it can feel just as troublesome when the new girl you’re dating now is galloping toward love and commitment, she’s falling hard, and you’re hardly falling. How do you handle it when she likes you more than you like her? Can a good relationship come out of it? Is it worth saving?
Would you keep dating her?
Forget about both of your feelings for a moment. The first thing you should do is determine if she is a girl you would be interested in dating again if she wasn’t getting ahead of the game with her emotions.
As a guy, you know that it’s not unusual for a girl’s emotions to develop first. So, if you can rein in her feelings a bit, will your feelings move in a healthy progression toward love?
If you’re stuck in Physical Attraction 101 and don’t see this developing emotionally for you, it’s not a good idea to lead her on. Keep in mind that she will tell you she will be fine continuing things on your terms, but that’s really just her way of keeping you close as long as she can.
If a girl you were head over heels for told you that you could still have your weekly sleepover but she was still looking for a guy to love, you might be tempted go with the “get it while you can” philosophy, hoping against hope that she would still fall for you.
If it’s not going to happen for you, you have to let her go. If you see potential but are getting turned off by the fast pace of the relationship, let her know that, too. Tell her you’re a guy. These things take a little time for you.
Too much too fast makes commitment seem like a frightening trap that is likely to send you running. Let her know you will catch up with her at some point, but she really needs to dial it down a notch or two for a while.
Now the ball is in her court, and she can decide if that will work for her.
“You’re not doing yourself any favors by
staying in a relationship that is unbalanced.”
Think about the consequences.
Be aware of the potential dangers of a one-sided relationship, too. Whether you stay in it for the sex or just move more slowly toward commitment, things can go very wrong.
The girl who loves you more is likely to feel that she is putting more into the relationship than you are. She may begin to feel used, rejected and angry. She may hold in her feelings, or she may lambaste you with guilt and tears.
You are more likely to start taking her for granted and doing little or nothing in the way of romantic gestures to keep her love light burning in a healthy, growing manner. A woman will not remain your worshiper forever.
She longs to be loved by you, not just to love you. A girl who loves you so much so soon is probably an incurable romantic who is in love with love, and in love with you, too.
You will have to step out from the pages of a romance novel from time to time to ravish her with your affection and make her feel like the most desirable girl in the world.
If you can never do that, you will be feeding her anger and despair, and when the downward spiral comes to a crashing, fiery conclusion, it will not be pretty.
You’re not doing yourself or her any favors by staying in a relationship that is unbalanced, especially if there is little chance it will ever become equal. Her expectations may be unrealistic and she may have stars in her eyes, but that does not give you the go-ahead to use her for your selfish purposes.
Treat her fairly, as you would want to be treated. Communicate. Even if you’re afraid the truth will cause her some tears now, just remember that the truth delayed will cause tears, anger, upheaval and hatred later.