3 Myths About Femininity

Women's Dating

3 Myths About Femininity

Liz Rave

Written by: Liz Rave

Liz Rave

While most of the Art of Flirting students are single and looking to find their perfect match, Liz also encourages couples to learn how to flirt with each other to keep the fire going in the relationship. Flirting is something anyone can learn to do, regardless of age, size, weight, shape or past dating experience.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Femininity is something that eluded me for a long time in my 20s. At one point, when I was single and struggling through my fair share of dating drama, I hired a dating coach who told me he thought I needed to be more feminine in order to attract higher quality men.

I remember hanging up the phone from that call, looking at myself in the mirror and thinking, “What is he talking about? I’m already wearing a skirt.”

Since then, I’ve learned being feminine is more complicated!

Femininity is really about being open, nurturing, compassionate and receptive to others. Most women I talk to feel like they have lost touch with their femininity, or they are afraid expressing that side of themselves will result in being taken advantage of.

In fact, regaining your femininity is one of the best things you can do, not just to attract men but for your own personal success in life.

Masculinity and femininity are not gender assignments. You are not required to act a certain way just because you are biologically a woman (or a man).

Masculinity and femininity are ways of being that both men and women naturally transition in and out of throughout their day, depending on what context they’re in.

This is similar to the way you might feel energized in the morning and more relaxed or sluggish in the afternoon.

Femininity attracts masculinity, and vice versa, so getting yourself in a more feminine state around men will make you more attractive to them.

Here are three myths about femininity and the truth behind them:

1. Femininity is weak (or weaker than masculinity)

This is probably the most misunderstood idea about femininity because femininity is an opposite to masculinity. So if masculinity is strong, then femininity must be…weak?

Actually, the polar opposite here is vulnerability, which not only requires a tremendous amount of strength but is also a vital part of flirting and forming healthy relationships.

Many people are afraid to be vulnerable because they believe this puts them at risk of being taken advantage of. I personally have struggled a lot with this fear, and I used to keep my heart very guarded, to the detriment of my past relationships.

The confusion here is being vulnerable does put you at risk of being harmed in the physical world. For example, you wouldn’t go walking alone at night in a high-crime neighborhood because doing so would make you very vulnerable to being mugged or attacked.

When it comes to emotions, however, it’s the opposite. This is counterintuitive, but the best way to protect your heart from getting broken is to keep it as open as possible.

Someone else’s emotions, no matter how strong or aggressive they are, cannot hurt you unless you let them trigger your own insecurities.

Emotional vulnerability, which is one of the greatest strength’s of the feminine, is being able to keep yourself relaxed in the presence of any emotion and have compassion rather than taking things personally.

“Any woman can express her femininity

while maintaining strong boundaries.”

2. Femininity is looking or dressing a certain way

A woman changing her outfit to be more feminine is like a man learning a cheesy pickup routine to be more masculine.

Advertisers like to promote the idea that buying new clothes or beauty products are a way to express your femininity, but true femininity is about your character, not about the way you look.

Some of the things I’ve heard women say makes them feel unfeminine include:

  • Being too skinny
  • Not being skinny enough
  • Having short hair
  • Not wearing makeup (I personally don’t wear makeup, by the way.)
  • Having unfeminine features
  • Having small breasts
  • Being muscular or having a stockier build
  • Being older

Any of these sound familiar? Femininity is about being caring, kind, open and receptive to others, and any woman, regardless of size, shape, weight or age, can embody these qualities.

That said, the outer is a reflection of the inner, and feminine women do tend to take pride in taking care of their body and their beauty. This usually results in looking and dressing a certain way.

Standing up straight, walking and moving with grace and confidence, keeping yourself in shape and well-groomed and dressing stylishly are all reflections of who you are on the inside, and they do matter.

3. Femininity means being sexually permissive

Because femininity is a more open and receptive state, many people unfortunately confuse this with being “easy.”

There is a terrible assumption that if a woman is really open, then her “natural state” would be one of wanting to please the men around her sexually.

Some men even use this idea to manipulate women into feeling bad for not being more sexually permissive with them.

I personally have had many men, when I told them I wasn’t interested in them, respond with something like, “Why are you so closed off?” or “You’re not open to fun experiences. Are you?”

Do not fall for this. This kind of behavior is not only bad flirting form, but it perpetuates sexually threatening behavior.

True femininity is about tapping into your own intuition and being receptive to your own instincts and desires first and above all else. This means if your instincts are telling you that you don’t want to sleep with a particular man, follow those instincts and don’t.

Openness as it relates to others is about accepting who they are and that they are not wrong for their desires.

This doesn’t mean you have to go along with whatever they want. It just means they didn’t do anything wrong by wanting a certain thing from you.

For example, it’s perfectly OK for a man to desire that you have sex with him, so long as he’s not trying to manipulate or force you into actually doing it.

One of the best things you can do to nurture your femininity is to enjoy it when men are sexually attracted to you, even if you aren’t attracted to them. After all, if he likes you, that’s really a sign of his good taste. Isn’t it?

Here’s the good news: Any woman can develop the ability to fully express her femininity while still maintaining strong boundaries.

The key is to develop yourself in general. The more you care for yourself and express compassion toward others, the more your natural femininity will come out and men will take notice.

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