5 Reasons To Avoid Sex With An Ex

Women's Dating

5 Reasons to Avoid Sex with an Ex

Rachel Dack

Written by: Rachel Dack

Rachel Dack

Rachel Dack is a licensed clinical professional counselor (LCPC) and relationship coach specializing in individual and couples psychotherapy. Rachel's areas of expertise include relationships, dating, mindfulness, anxiety, depression and self-esteem.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Maybe you’re feeling lonely, insecure, anxious or frustrated by your perceived lack of success with dating and finding love.

Maybe you’ve experienced several bad dates in a row, lost a recent relationship or are just feeling disconnected from dating in general.

Maybe you’re currently single and not happy about this current reality. You might be sexually unsatisfied and long for sexual chemistry and adventure.

You can’t help but crave comfort and connection with someone intimately. You wish you felt wanted and valued in a romantic way.

You begin to think back on your past dating and relationship experiences in which the positive feelings of belonging, joy, and appreciation were present.

It makes sense that you yearn for something familiar when your relationship life is nonexistent or not going as planned.

Your mind continues to contemplate and examine the above thoughts and feelings. Naturally your mind creates scenarios to make you feel better.

Next thing you know, the idea of having sex with an ex sounds pretty good. You imagine it will be as comforting and pleasurable as it once was, and instantly you become tempted to make it happen.

Your mind says something like, “Why not? I can’t imagine feeling any lonelier, more miserable, more rejected than I do now.”

Should you have sex with an ex or let the temptation pass? If you are searching for true love and intimacy, it’s in your best interest to say no to embarking on this slippery slope.

Here are five reasons to avoid casual sex with an ex.

1. Oxytocin.

While it is easy to convince yourself it is just sex, that is rarely the case for women due to biological factors.

Oxytocin (aka “The Love Drug”) is a hormone released during orgasm that creates feelings of closeness and bonding.

Also called the “The Cuddle Hormone,” it contributes to a woman’s need to share further intimate moments and cuddle post-sex.

Sex easily sparks an emotional connection, causing it to be not so casual after all.

“Communicate honestly and openly to

ensure you are both on the same page.”

2. It’s not as simple as it may seem.

It’s complicated. No matter how much you moved on from your relationship and breakup with your ex, sex is likely to bring back old feelings that create confusion and vulnerability.

A wound that was once healed has the potential to become open again.

3. It’s a distraction.

Although it sounds fun, sex with an ex serves as a distraction from your goal to find a healthy long-term relationship.

It prevents you from creating what you want with the right person by using up your emotional energy, time and attention.

4. It’s unrealistic.

You can’t assume your ex can take away your feelings of loneliness or frustration, and it’s unhealthy to depend on him to do so.

True happiness comes from within.

5. It can be damaging for your self-esteem.

As the lines become blurry and feelings of closeness occur, there’s a strong possibly to feel further rejected if you want to pursue a relationship again and he doesn’t want to.

If you chose to take the plunge anyways, I urge you to manage your expectations, communicate honestly and openly to ensure you are both on the same page and find your own ways to create happiness in your life, regardless of how dating is going!

Ladies, have you ever slept with an ex? How did it turn out? What tips can you offer lonely women who are thinking of going back to a former lover?

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